Diary—Ehem, Journal—of a High School Outcast
by CeeCee Dragneel
Summary: Everything about Lucy Heartfilia's life is a cliché. Wealth to her last name? Check. Dead mother? Check. Horrible childhood? Check. Social outcast? Check. Falling in love with the enemy's best friend? Che— ...wait, what? (several pairings! ending results will be: nalu, jerza, gruvia, gajevy and many others!)
1. Of First Friends

**song rec: **Everything Has Changed - Taylor Swift feat. Ed Sheeran

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**Diary—Ehem, Journal—of a High School Outcast**

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Entry #1:

_Of First Friends_

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**Saturday, September 7th.**

Dear Diary—ehem, Journal,

So… hi?

Um.

Well. Let's just start with this:

My name is Lucy Heartfilia. I'm fourteen, soon-to-be fifteen in a few weeks. The day after tomorrow I will officially be in the hell-hole known as "high school," and I'm already dreading it. Middle school had been hard enough, and it certainly doesn't help when Ms. Supetto keeps rambling on about how awful her high school days were, and that she hopes it'll be better for me.

Ms. Supetto is my maid—ah, I mean, best friend. I know, sad, right? A fourteen-year-old whose best friend is a forty-three-year-old? But, if I were speaking truthfully, and I am, I would tell you that I wouldn't trade our friendship for the world. Ms. Supetto has been there for me since I was a mere toddler. When my mom died, she was there. Every forgotten birthday, she was there. Every lonely Christmas, she was there.

And I'm so grateful.

Yeah.

Anyway… um.

I guess since I have nothing better to do other than read shoujo manga—cough, I mean watch "educational videos for your future as the successor of Heartfilia Railroads," as my father put it, I'll tell you (who am I talking to?) about how I received this diary—ehem, journal, and about how I made my first… friend. (At least one that's actually my age.) It's probably a boring story, but, like I said, I having nothing better to do.

So, it went a little something like this…

**Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ**

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I skipped happily down the rather wide grocery aisle. It was a very rare occurrence that I got to go outside of the mansion—uh, house—with the exception of school, and an even rarer occurrence that I got to go to a grocery store. I couldn't even _remember _the last time I had been to one; perhaps a couple of weeks before my mom died. So I was overwhelmed with the sight of all of the seemingly normal people, the new smells, and the fact that the produce section took up nearly half of the store.

My own personal chef—cough, I mean the person who cooks my food (well, I guess that doesn't sound any less snooty)—Eido stood behind me, pushing along the shopping cart. He had an amused glint in his eyes as he watched me, and I knew I must have looked like an idiot staring at the long wall of cartons of eggs in pure amazement. But could he blame me? I was new at this!

"Miss Lucy," Eido said, interrupting my thoughts. "You can take a look around if you'd like. Just don't get lost, okay?"

I squealed and thanked him, skipping around the corner.

And slammed into something that reminded me of a brick wall.

I fell on my butt, groaning. I facepalmed at my stupidity, only to realize my glasses had fallen off. Stupid, stupid, stupid! I was as blind as a mole rat without my glasses.

"Ouch," an unknown, masculine voice mumbled. I heard shuffling before a blurry object that looked to be a hand was shoved in my face. "Sorry 'bout that! I wasn't lookin' where I was goin'... again," the voice said sheepishly.

I sat there, dumbfounded. "U-um… I'm s-sorry," I said, silently cursing myself for the stutter.

The voice chuckled, a deep, yet adorable sound. My heart rate sped up just at the sound of it, and I could feel my already hot cheeks warm even further. "Well," he said, "are ya just gonna sit there?" His voice was amused, yet I didn't detect a hint of rudeness or impatience. It was kind… thoughtful, almost.

"S-sorry," I repeated, embarrassed. "But I… uhm. I c-can't see anything without my g-glasses…"

"Oh," the voice said, his surprise evident. "Just a sec, I'll look 'round for 'em."

I heard some more shuffling. I continued to sit there, blinking dumbly and trying my hardest to not get up and blindly run away. It's no secret that that I'm rather shy, but I'd say that that's an understatement, really. Try socially awkward. Or just plain antisocial.

A strong hand grasped mine, and my insides fluttered from the contact. I wasn't used to people touching me. His hand pulled me up until I was standing, and another hand placed something inside mine. He let go, and while I weirdly enough felt a loss, I was also grateful for the fact that he didn't linger any longer.

I hurriedly put my glasses on and blinked so that my eyes could readjust. I looked up so I could thank and apologize to the man properly, but instead I felt the breath leave my lungs, my jaw slacken, my eyes widen, and my cheeks flare.

He was hot. Like fiery, smoking, burning building hot.

His hair was a soft shade of pink that really suited him, and was spiked up into a sexy—um, I mean cute style. His jawline was angular and his lips looked soft—if I continue down this train of thought I might pass out from heatstroke—and were a natural hot pink. Through his white t-shirt I could see a drool-worthy six-pack. He was lean and tall, almost two heads taller than myself. I suspected him to be one, maybe two years older than me. How could someone as young as us be so... attractive? Puberty did him well.

But what really got me were his eyes. They were wide, his eyelashes long, and a gorgeous onyx color. They almost appeared to be lit aflame, burning with curiosity.

Realizing he was examining me under the same scrutiny, I silently begged in my mind that I looked okay and didn't have an eye booger or something. Or an actual booger.

Suddenly a wide, toothy, adorable grin spread across his face, almost causing me to stumble. "Sorry," he said again, his bright smile never leaving. "It was nice bumpin' into ya…?" he trailed off, and after a few seconds of staring dazedly at him, I finally blurted,

"L-Lucy!"

His fire-like eyes brightened, causing the butterflies in my stomach to rage. "Right, L-Lucy," he said teasingly. I wanted to die from embarrassment. "I'm Natsu." He extended his hand in greeting and, albeit hesitantly, I grasped it and shook once.

"L-Lucy," I repeated, and had to physically resist the urge to punch myself by clenching my fist behind my back.

He chuckled. "Right. So, L-Lucy, I hope ya don't mind me askin', but… Will you be attending Fairy Academy?"

My eyes widened. My mind whirred with questions. Why was he asking me something like that? Was that a normal question to ask someone you just met? I honestly didn't know. Ugh.

Opting for just being honest, I said, "Yes."

He seemed happy by my answer, his grin widening if that were possible. "That's awesome! Now I'll have 'nother friend there!"

I caught my jaw before it dropped. Friend? Was it really that easy? We just met, and yet… he thought of me as his friend? I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

He looked at me strangely. "You okay, Lucy?"

"U-um… yeah. I'm f-fine. Sorry, it's just… I've never really had a f...friend before," I said before I could stop myself. Great, now I was telling random strangers about my loser life.

His fire-eyes suddenly dimmed, as if hearing this truly saddened him. It wasn't pity, like I was so used to experiencing. It was almost like he really cared... but I shook that thought off. We only just met—I should in no way expect him to care.

Before I could ask him what was wrong, as he was being fairly quiet, he smiled (though if I weren't paying close attention, I probably wouldn't have noticed that it was forced) and shocked me by saying, "Well… I'll be your friend."

A hitched gasp sort of noise came from my throat, and I felt my eyes tear up. I didn't understand. Why was he being so nice? He didn't even know me. Was I wrong and he actually did pity me? Did he feel sorry for me? Was that it? Was he just being nice to the dork with no friends?

I couldn't tell. And I suddenly found myself frustrated. But not at him. At me. I was so naïve and… out-of-practice with the world that I couldn't even tell when someone was being genuinely nice?

Through my blurred vision—this time because of hot tears, not blindness—I could see a look of concern on his face. He was about to say something when a voice that I recognized as Eido's cut in, "I'm very sorry to interrupt, Miss Lucy, but we must be going now. Dinner is to be prepared shortly."

I nodded, silently thanking him for interrupting when he did. I didn't have a response to what Natsu was… offering? I just didn't know what to say. I was happy yet confused and angry all at once.

So I opted for a low "Goodbye," before taking off after Eido. I didn't wait for him while he paid for the items, instead rushing out to the black Town Car and climbing into the back seat, slamming the door behind me.

And, like the loser I am, I cried.

**Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ**

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When I got home twenty minutes later, I rushed up the three flights of stairs and to my bedroom, softly closing the door so as to not alert any of the maids.

I knew I was being childish. I knew I was being melodramatic, rash, stupid and… stupid.

I just didn't understand. Why was this happening to me? Why did he want to be my friend? Was he just kidding? Was this some sort of practical joke? Was I simply overreacting?

But the main question that plagued my mind was one that I would probably never have the answer to:

Was this _normal_?

Just then a series of soft knocks came from the door. _Knock, knock. Knock, knock, knock. Knock._

Ms. Supetto.

It was something that we initiated after my mom died. At the time I didn't want to see anybody or do anything. I didn't eat, sleep, or even breathe normally for over a week.

Ms. Supetto was the only one I would allow in my room. So, just so that I could know it was her at the door and not one of the other maids (not that I didn't like them, I just didn't have as close of a bond with them as I did with Ms. Supetto), we came up with a secret knock. Even now, seven years later, we still used it.

"Come in," I muttered. I felt like I was going to cry again, but I held back. Ms. Supetto had enough to deal with already.

The door opened, and Ms. Supetto ducked her head in, staring at me with concern.

"Are you alright, dear?" she asked carefully as she stepped into the room, closing the door behind her. "I saw you come in. You looked as if you had been crying." My cheeks heated up with embarrassment and I averted my gaze to the grandfather clock that sat in the corner of the room. It was once my mother's. She had called it "Horologium," like the constellation. "Miss Lucy." Ms. Supetto's voice was stern, motherly, and commanded my attention.

I slowly turned towards her, asking innocently, "Yes?" But I knew full well that there was no way I was going to get out of this.

"What happened while you were out?" she asked as she sat on the edge of the King-sized canopy bed. She smoothed out and straightened the fluffy pink sheets, almost absentmindedly. "Did someone say something? Did you run into one of those bullies from Magnolia Girls' Leadership Academy?"

Magnolia Girls' Leadership Academy is the school I attended last year and the year before. I was often picked on, made fun of, and plainly abused by the other girls because, well, I'm not exactly what comes to mind when the words "graceful" or "proper" or especially "leader" are brought up. I'm neither a leader nor a follower, and they didn't like that.

"No," I said, shrugging. "I just saw something that reminded me of Mom, that's all." I hoped she'd buy my lie, but I couldn't be sure. Ms. Supetto has known me for years, and while I got away with a few bluffs here and there, she usually caught on.

But Ms. Supetto nodded, seeming to understand. "If you insist," she said. A few moments of silence passed before she cleared her throat and looked up at me, a serious look in her eyes. "Miss Lucy… speaking of your mother…"

"Yeah?" I asked, unsure.

Ms. Supetto sighed, but a smile curled at her lips and the wrinkles around her eyes became more pronounced. "There's something that she wanted me to give you. It was the day before she passed." She paused, and stood up. She walked over to the bedroom door and opened it, only to close it once again and stalk back over to the bed.

Ms. Supetto hesitantly pulled something from behind her back, setting it down on the bed directly in front of me.

I thought at first that maybe it was a book. My mother had been quite the fan of literature; over half of the downstairs library was full of her favorite books. I've read them all over and over again. It made me feel connected to her in a way.

The light blue, leather cover was blank aside from the occasional indentation of a heart or a butterfly. It was rather thick, maybe around five-hundred to six-hundred pages long. I opened it up to a random page in the middle.

It was blank.

And so I picked up the book, gulping and skimming through all of the pages.

_Yep_, I thought to myself, resisting the urge to puke.

It was a diary.

Ms. Supetto's voice cut through the silence. "I know that you're not exactly a fan of talking about your feelings… but your mother wanted you to have this," she said. "Flip to the last two pages. She left you a message."

My throat went dry. She left me a… a message?

Tentatively, I sorted through the pages until I was at the last few. And there, in my mother's familiar curly handwriting, was indeed a message.

My eyes filled with tears just at the sight of it. It looked a bit shaky, like it was hard for her to write it at the time. And not in an emotional sense, but a physical one.

She was slowly dying while she wrote this.

I took a deep breath, preparing myself.

Here goes.

_My dear Lucy,_

_If you are reading this now, it could only mean one thing: that you are all grown up, about to start your first year of high school, and I unfortunately am not there to see it. _

_The first thing I'd like to say is that I'm so proud of you. It must have been difficult without me around, and for that I am so sorry. I didn't want to leave you. I _don't _want to leave you. But all I can do now is hope that you are alright and doing well._

_I bet you're wondering why I'm giving you a diary. While at the moment I don't know who you'll be or how you'll think, I suspect that you're shocked or even annoyed. You never did like to talk about your feelings._

_But I am giving this to you for a simple reason._

_When I was your age and just starting high school, it was tough. While I was popular and "liked" amongst most of the student body, a lot of emotional things happened to me along the way._

_The people whom I thought were my best friends betrayed me, and the man I was in love with at the time turned out to be unfaithful. (Though I guess that was for the best, because I met your father and we had you, our precious gift from God.) There's a lot more, but I won't bore you with the details._

_So while I was going through all of this, my emotions bottled up inside of me. I didn't have anyone to share my feelings with, and frankly I didn't want to because it was too embarrassing. But one day my mother (your grandmother) approached me and told me all about the problems she had back in the day. She told me how sad and angry and lonely she felt. How she pushed people away because she couldn't deal with her own emotional trauma. And then she gave me a diary. She told me how much it helped her after her mother gave one to her as well._

_And it really does help, Lucy. Venting your feelings instead of leaving them inside only to build up and burst out at the most inappropriate moment. (Mine happened in the middle of class and I ended up suspended for a week because I yelled at the teacher. Just thinking of it now makes me laugh.) So I'd like for you to give it a try. It'll probably be hard at first and a bit strange, but you'll get used to it. _

_In fact you might even find yourself immediately going to your diary after something happens. :)_

_I'm sorry that I can't be there for you anymore. But just know that I'm watching over you, wherever I may be._

_I love you so much, my baby girl. Stay strong._

_-Mama_

**Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ**

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And so here I am now, writing in this diary—ehem, journal. I'm not sure what to think, but I trust my mother's judgment. If she said that this will be good for me, then I believe her.

Sigh. My hand hurts from writing.

Well, I guess this is goodnight, dear diary—ehem, journal.

I probably won't write in you until school starts…

I am _so _not looking forward to it.

Feeling tired,

Lucy

**~..:Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ:..~**


	2. Of First Days — Part I

**song rec:** Snow Fairy - Funkist

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**Entry #2:**

_Of First Days_

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_Part I_

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**Monday, September 9th.**

Dear Diary—ehem, Journal,

Oh.

My.

Fudging.

Freaking.

Fracking.

God.

I can't… What… Oh my holy mustache.

What just happened? I can't even…

The fact that I'm writing my exact thoughts shows you (who am I talking to?) just how shocked I am. I mean, there are ellipses and everything!

At the moment I am hiding in a janitor's closet. Yeah, it smells great it in here. (Note the sarcasm.) I have no clue how people makeout in these things. (Or at least that's what those YA books say…)

Well.

Might as well just start from the beginning.

**Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ**

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I nearly jumped out of my skin when Ms. Supetto burst through my bedroom door, not bothering to knock. I slammed the lid of my laptop shut, my cheeks burning to the fourth degree.

No. It's not what you think, I swear.

I was totally _not _looking up hot anime characters. Nope. Nada. Zero. Zilch.

Ms. Supetto looked at me strangely, but thankfully didn't question me. She dashed over to my dresser and frantically went through the drawers.

I frowned. "Um… Ms. Supetto. What are you doing?" I asked hesitantly.

Ms. Supetto turned towards me, her small eyes narrowing at me. "Why aren't you ready yet, Miss Lucy? You have to be at Fairy Academy in an hour, and it's a forty-five minute commute!"

I blanched. Was it really that far? I hadn't realized.

"Alright," I said, sighing as I stood up. "But before I go, can you at least tell me what you're doing?"

Ms. Supetto didn't turn to look at me this time, still shuffling through all of my pants and skirts. "I'm finding you an outfit to wear today, of course. We should have done this yesterday or perhaps even the day before! You need to look good on your first day, and be sure to leave a good impression on not only your peers, but also your teachers! It took a lot of convincing your father to allow you to go to a public school, remember, Miss Lucy? You have to do well otherwise he'll transfer you back to that horrid all-girls school."

I nodded in understanding and sighed once more. I had the feeling I'd be doing that a lot today.

"Okay. But don't pick out something too girly or something that screams 'rich girl!', alright?"

Ms. Supetto giggled. "Don't you think I know you by now, dear? Don't worry, I'll come up with something that suits you."

I smiled halfheartedly and trudged my way to the overly-decorated, large bathroom.

I looked begrudgingly at myself in the mirror. My blonde, chest-length hair suffered from a bad case of bedhead. My cinnamon-colored brown eyes (as I liked to describe them) looked tired and you could very easily see the eye boogers in my tear ducts.

Deciding that I needed to shower to get rid of both problems (not including the tiredness, because I doubted that would go away), I shut the bathroom door and turned the shower on full blast.

I quickly stepped out of my _Soul Eater_ footie pajamas and hopped into the shower, clenching my teeth and steeling myself against the scalding water. I stuck my face in quickly before reaching for the handle and turning it down until it was lukewarm. I'm a weirdo who wakes up to hot water rather than cold. Don't ask me why.

After washing and smoothing my hair with lily-scented shampoo and conditioner and scrubbing my body with nutmeg-scented body wash, I shut off the water and dried myself with an extremely soft and fluffy towel.

I then shook my hair out like a dog, trying to get rid of all the extra drops of water. Once it was no longer dripping, I stepped out of the shower and stood in front of the mirror once again.

I grabbed the hairbrush and yanked it through my hair. Thankfully it dries quickly, so by the time I was dressed, teeth brushed, school bag packed and a piece of toast crammed into my mouth, my hair was ready to be styled.

I didn't have to do much, really. My hair is naturally straight so I just had to quickly slide a flat iron over it to get rid of the extra frizzies.

At the very last minute I decided to put on a touch of makeup. I hated it, but Ms. Supetto had said that I need to make a good impression and try to fit in. So I put on two swipes of mascara, avoided the eyeliner (I poke my eyes everytime I try to put it on), didn't bother with eyeshadow (it makes me look like I got beat up no matter which color I choose), and finished with just a feather of blush.

The end result was okay. I'd looked worse before.

My hair was in two low ponytails, my bangs brushed off to the side. I wore an outfit that I actually liked, mainly because it was comfortable but stylish as well (I may not get out much but that doesn't mean that I don't keep up with the latest fashions).

The blue halter top revealed my shoulders and collarbone before turning into loose, long sleeves that reached my wrists. It was a V-neck, but not the plunging kind. I _was_ going to _school_ after all, and they _do_ have regulations, unfortunately. I thought that people should be able to wear whatever they wanted.

There was a small sliver of skin revealed between my shirt and dark wash skinny jeans. I kept tugging down on the shirt because it made me feel like I was revealing too much, but Ms. Supetto insisted it was fine.

On my feet I wore my favorite black lace-up knee-high sneakers. I wore the locket my mother gave me when I was a baby around my neck, tucked in under my shirt, as well as a charm bracelet on my right wrist.

Okay. I could do this. It's just school. It's not like it can hurt you or anything.

I hoped so anyway.

**Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ**

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_Fairy, where are you going?  
Hikari zenbu atsumete,  
Kimi no ashita terasu yo!_

I reluctantly took out my headphones as the Town Car pulled into the school parking lot. Today Ms. Supetto drove me because she had wanted to see me off. Tomorrow it would be the usual driver, Mr. Akatsuki.

I didn't have to tell Ms. Supetto to park in the back. While Fairy Academy was elite compared to other public high schools, I doubted that there would be many rich kids.

Sucking in another deep breath and slowly letting it out, I grabbed my white and blue messenger bag and put it over my head and onto the opposite shoulder. I opened the door and stepped out into the cool morning air.

My legs started shaking so bad I thought I was going to fall over. I was worried that I'd start sweating too. I really didn't need that.

_This is what you want_, I reminded myself. I've talked about going to public school for years and now was my chance. I had to do this right.

Ms. Supetto stepped out of the car as well, circling her arms around me in a reassuring hug. "You'll be fine," she promised. "Just smile that pretty smile of yours and say hello to others. Do what the teachers say. Don't get into any trouble. You'll do great." She pulled back and smiled brightly at me. "I love you, Lucy-bucy," she said, laughing at the old nickname.

I, however, grimaced. I hated the nickname. "Love you too, Ms. Supetto-wetto," I joked back.

She smiled once again, letting go of my arms and stepping back inside the car. "Have a good day," she said.

I nodded mutely and walked towards the school. My heart raced and I suddenly felt the urge to puke. Deep breaths. In and out. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

I was at the front doors now. I took one more step forward and they opened automatically. I peeked inside.

There were people everywhere. Parents, students, teachers, the like. I felt both terrified and relieved by this. On one hand it was a crowd of people, and it made my stomach churn from anxiety. But on the other hand I felt like I could be small and go unnoticed, just how I like it.

But as I walked forward, I felt like everyone was looking at me. I heard cat calls and wondered if maybe what I was wearing was a little too revealing. But no. I looked around at the other girls nearby and came to the conclusion that maybe I had _over_dressed. Most wore short skirts and shirts that showed a little too much cleavage. I silently wondered how they weren't busted for disobeying the school regulation.

I received my class schedule via e-mail a few weeks ago so there was no point in going to the principal's office. Along with the schedule was a map of the school, which I've already memorized. My homeroom was around the next corner and seven yards down the hallway, past three other classrooms. This class is led by Professor Happy and Professor Carla, and I hoped the former's name did him justice.

Just breathe, Lucy. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

I pushed the door open as quietly as possible, but it was useless. Everyone that was there, about half of the classroom, turned towards the doors and looked straight at me. I felt my knees quiver and my mouth go dry. I cast my eyes downward.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

Think about happy things. Think about manga. Think about mustaches. Think about hot anime guys. Ahhh, hot anime guys.

I looked back up and plastered on the brightest smile I could muster—although it probably looked fake. I kept the image of Takumi Usui in the front of my brain. Think about the hotness, Lucy. The hotness! Walk forward. Take a seat. Casually look forward. Smile at anyone who smiles at you. Trip over someone's foot.

Wait, what?!

A weird squeaky sound spilled out of my mouth and I watched in all of my slow-motion glory as the floor seemed to come closer and closer to breaking my face. Usui, save me!

As if answering my prayers, strong arms wrapped around my waist, stopping the floor from smacking me by merely inches.

Did a hot anime character really jump out of the TV and into the human world just to save me?! OMG! I think I'm going to faint…

Snickers filled the room. My face flared. I was slowly pulled up to a standing position. My back was turned to Usui—or whom I hoped was Usui—and I was too afraid to turn around and face him.

But I did. I had to at least say thank you.

But when I turned around, there was a sight I hadn't expected at all. (*Sob* No, it wasn't Usui! Damn it all! *sob*)

It had long, flowing scarlet hair and piercing golden brown eyes behind sophisticated-looking glasses. It was at least half a foot taller than me, and it definitely looked like it worked out daily.

I would have thought it was a guy if it weren't for the fact that it had very feminine-like features (the large breasts were a dead give away, really. Uhhh) and it was wearing a knee-length skirt.

So… I wasn't saved by a hot anime guy, but a real-life hot girl? I couldn't deny that she was gorgeous—but the way she was looking at me had me quaking where I stood. She had this very serious look on her face that seemed to say, "You should be more careful next time." … "Or else," I added as an afterthought.

"Are you okay?" she asked, her voice strong and confident.

I bit my lip, nodding my head vigorously.

"You should really be more careful next time," she said, and I wondered if she could read minds. "You could have gotten badly hurt."

I nodded again. Something about this girl told me I didn't want to pick a fight with her.

The snickers grew louder. The girl's eyes darkened, and she whipped her head to the side, growling menacingly, "Shut up or I'll skin you and sell your body parts for cash. And then I'll use that money to buy the sharpest sword available and skin the rest of you with it!"

That shut everyone up. Their mouths snapped closed, and they all faced forward, cold sweats breaking out on their foreheads. Yep, this girl was definitely to be feared.

She turned back to me. Suddenly her eyes turned to stars and she grabbed me by my shoulders. "Hello, my name is Erza Scarlet." She released one of my shoulders and offered me her hand. I mustered up all of the strength I had and put my hand in hers, my anxiety trying to convince me not to do so. She clasped it in a death grip that I'm sure she wasn't aware she was doing. "Future class president," she added, her proud smile widening.

My mouth was still dry. I could feel how wide my eyes were, and how hot my face was. Come on, Lucy! Quit being such a wimp and just say hello.

But was that even the right thing to say? I suddenly remembered Natsu. He'd called me his friend even though we'd only met not even five minutes before. I then recalled that he goes to Fairy Academy too. Crap. Now I felt even more nervous.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

"U-um…" I heard my small voice saying. I wanted to curse my stutter to the center of the Earth. Why can't I get rid of it? Ugh! "M-my name is…"

"What was that?" asked Erza, stepping even closer to me. I felt like I was going to hyperventilate. I haven't been this close to somebody in years (other than Ms. Supetto, obviously).

"My n-name is… um, L-Lucy," I finally got out.

Erza nodded. "Luigi, eh? Nice name you got!"

If I could sweatdrop, I probably would have done so in that moment. "U-um, actually… it's Lucy."

"Lacy? Oh, that makes more sense. I knew you didn't look like a Luigi."

"I said L-Lucy…"

"Looney? That's a bit strange, but I like it. It suits you."

I felt my eye twitch. This girl… "I said LUCY."

Erza's eyes lit up once more. "Lucy? What a lovely name! You definitely look like a Lucy. Yes, yes."

I nodded slowly. "R-right. Well, um… th-thank you."

Erza rose an eyebrow. "For what?"

"For, um… s-saving me?"

Erza looked at me like I was crazy. Did she forget already?

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

Okay. "W-well, we b-better take our s-seats…"

Erza nodded, her serious expression returning. "We must hurry before we get expelled!"

My eyes widened. "E-expelled?"

At that moment the door opened and in walked two cats. A blue one and a white one, each wearing lab coats.

What…?

"Hello, class," the blue cat said.

It TALKED?!

**Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ**

* * *

Crap. I think the janitor is trying to come in! Sorry, diary—ehem, journal, but I have to stop writing for now. I'll continue soon!

Feeling on edge,

Lucy

**~..:Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ:..**~


	3. Of First Days — Part II

**song rec: **Nyan Cat (Original)

* * *

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..::..

**Entry #3:**

_Of First Days_

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_Part II_

..::..

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**Still Monday, September 9th.**

Dear Diary—ehem, Journal,

Okay, I'm back. Finally.

Turns out those YA books were right. It wasn't the janitor trying to break in, but a couple of juniors who were all over each other. It was gross. Like, I had to cover my eyes and plug my nose so as to not hack all over them.

Anyways, right now I'm in second period AP English Literature. Even though it's the first day, we already have class work. So I apparently have about thirty minutes to complete a three-hundred word short story about any topic I wish.

But I love writing and had already prepared for assignments like these. I've written tons of stories and most of them are stored on my laptop, which I happened to bring with me today. So I just used the school's free wi-fi to email a three-hundred-and-fifty word story I wrote last month to the teacher's email address (which is displayed on the chalkboard). On a side note, in case you were wondering (who am I talking to?), the story is about a girl who slowly disappeared into the sky.

Anyways, since I have thirty minutes of free time I decided that I should finish writing what happened earlier today. Where did I end off at? Oh, that's right. With the talking cats. Yeah.

Talking cats.

~(-_-~)

**Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ**

* * *

"Hello, class," the blue cat said.

Oh my God, I'm going to faint. Cat's can't talk. No, no, no. It's physically _impossible_! Science doesn't lie.

I was brought back to the present when the _white _cat started to speak. "I know it's strange that we can talk. But, later on, perhaps, we'll explain. Anyhow, I am Professor Carla, and this idiot of a tomcat here is '_Professor_' Happy," she (or what I assumed is a she) said, spitting the last few words out icily.

Why wasn't anyone else freaking out?! I'm an otaku for crying out loud, and even I think this is strange!

The blue cat seemed to pout. (Cat's can't pout! This isn't right! What is going on he—?!) "But Carla," he whined. (WHINED?!) "I am _too_ a professor! My fortune cookie said so!"

FORTUNE COOKIE?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD CO—oh, wait, never mind.

The white cat—err, Professor Carla, huffed. (HUFFED?!) (Okay I've really got to stop writing in capitals; it hurts my hand...) "Like I said. Idiot tomcat."

Professor Happy turned and sobbed in a corner with a fish in his mouth. (A FISH?!) (...Okay, I promise I'll stop.)

I might as well just start screeching, "WOW!" in a high-pitched voice. It's not like things could get any weirder.

Just then the classroom door burst open. Similar to when when I had come in, everyone turned to stare at the five newcomers. I had to actually catch my jaw before it crashed to the ground. They were gorgeous. All of them had an aura surrounding them that seemed to just scream, "popular!" and "fun!" and "awesome!"

The first person to walk in, a girl, was short and petite with straight light blue hair. She was holding a romance novel—"_In This Moment_" by Autumn Doughten (SQUEE!)—and I could tell that she was a bookworm, much like myself. Speaking of books, I really need to find the library around here. While I have pretty much every book imaginable back at the mansion—ah, house, I'd like to see their selection. Preferably the romance genre. (Do public school libraries even have romance sections...?)

The second was a guy. A very, very hot one at that. Uhh, anyways... He was really tall, especially compared to the blue-haired girl, and had spiky white-blond hair. Even from all the way in the back row I could see how well-sculpted he was. His biceps looked so yummy that I almost started drooling—okay, I really need to stop thinking like this! Gosh, I'm such a pervert. (I think now would be a good time to insert that aforementioned "WOW!")

The third was yet another guy, although this one didn't have muscles quite as defined as the blond did. He had messy orange hair that was styled into what I assumed was supposed to look like cat ears. It was really cute, actually, but I could tell just by looking at him that he was a playboy. Or perhaps it was the fact he had his arms wrapped around the last two remaining girls.

The girl on his left was smiling shyly and had an extremely cute blush on her face. Her hair was shoulder-length and an adorable shade of hot-pink color. She was so gosh darn cute that I wanted to just curl up in a ball and squeal. She reminded me of a big, pink, fluffy stuffed animal. (I know. First I was thinking creepy thoughts about guys and now I was thinking creepy thoughts about girls... ugh.)

The girl on his right, though, really caught my attention. She had chin-length, white-as-snow hair and eyes that were such a vibrant blue that I could see them from here. She had a scowl on her face, but I could easily tell that she was keeping herself from laughing. She was so pretty that I almost felt jealous—almost. Maybe. There was just something about her that I couldn't pinpoint. It was a feeling... like I was supposed to befriend her, or something.

Nah. What was I thinking? I could never befriend her. Mainly because I can't talk to anyone without sounding like I have a cold and the fact that she is obviously out of my league. She's probably the most popular girl in school. Well, maybe not _yet _anyway, considering it's only the first day of the first year of high school. But I bet she was extremely popular in middle school. Yes. I could see that.

And then something that shocked me out of my skin happened.

She. Looked. Right. At. Me.

Our. Eyes. Locked.

She. Smiled.

At. Me.

Me.

...

...

...What?

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

Just then the bell rang, and she looked away. Or maybe I looked away. I honestly didn't know.

"Alright, class," said Professor Carla, "pick a seat and we'll take attendance in a few moments."

I watched as the gorgeous white-haired girl turned in my direction, smiled, and walked towards me.

And then she sat. Right. Next. To. Me.

I think I was hyperventilating. Why was she sitting next to me? Was she here to make fun of me? It wouldn't be the first time.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

"Hello," she said whilst sticking out her right, pale hand. Her skin was like porcelain. It made me feel all the more insecure. (Ugh! Stupid insecurities... they shouldn't even exist—in anybody.) "My name is Lisanna Strauss. My sister, brother and I moved here last spring." And to top it all off she was nice and talkative.

I stared at her hand. Should I shake it? Would that be weird? Well, she was the one offering it to me first, so…

I took her hand in my own shaky and sweaty one. To my surprise she didn't yank her hand away in disgust, instead only smiling even wider. "What's your name?" she asked, her voice sweet and gentle.

I quaked in my chair. Stop it, Lucy! Stop being so stupid. Stop being so shy. Stop being so uncool. Stop being so _scared_. You need to start talking. Do it, damn it. Either that or ban yourself from watching and reading all anime and manga.

Crap. I could never stop watching and reading anime and manga! My life would be over if I did that. Yeah, I'm totes (I can't pull that off, can I? Didn't think so) super lame. Lamer than a... lemur. Hahaha. No. Just no.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

"I-I... M-my name i-is..." Gulp. C'mon, Lucy. This is just becoming painful to watch. Especially to hear. Do you hear your voice? How weak and scared you sound? For the love of mustaches, pull yourself together! "L-Lucy. My n-name is Luc-y." Why can't you say your own name without the stutter? What, are you afraid of your own name? SERIOUSLY? I wanted to curl up and die.

She giggled. It wasn't a mean, mocking giggle though. It was like she was laughing because... because it was funny. Or something.

The situation, once again, reminded me of Natsu. My first... sort-of friend? I didn't know if I should officially call him that. We'd only met once, after all.

Lisanna's kind voice brought me back to reality. "You're so cute, Lucy," she giggled. "Can I call you Lucy-nyan? I feel like you would look adorable with cat ears." I nearly fell over in my chair. Looks like this Lisanna girl could be a little strange, too. I liked her already.

I really liked her.

And she watches anime! Either that or she just really like Nyan Cat. Either way, I couldn't believe that someone like her would, but I was starting to discover that maybe everyone isn't exactly how they appear to be.

I felt my lips twitch very slightly and my face explode with a blush. I looked down at my lap, my fingers tangling together nervously. I glanced back up at her curious gaze and her hopeful expression. She was so nice. For some reason I had expected her to be some mean girl or something. Maybe it was because she radiated with what could only be defined as "popular" and from my experience, most popular girls aren't all that nice.

"U-um..." I trembled. I didn't really know if I should say it, but I decided to anyway. Because at some point I'm going to have to start talking. I really didn't want her to sit there without an answer. And I really didn't want her to feel embarrassed for asking it, either. I liked that she asked me. I'd never had a nickname before, other than Lucy-bucy. "I-I... I suppose y-you could. B-but only i-if I, um... get to call you L-Lisanna-nya-n...?"

Omigosh was that the wrong thing to say? Maybe it was. Because her smile slipped and she looked at me wide-eyed.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

But, thankfully, after a moment the look passed and her face lit up with a smile so bright it was almost blinding. "Yes. I would like that, Lucy-nyan."

As I was about to open my mouth to reply, a call from a few rows ahead startled me so badly that I almost peed my pants. "Yo, Lis!"

Lisanna turned towards the source, which so happened to be the blond-haired hunk—ah, guy she came in with earlier. She stuck her tongue out at him. "What, Eucliffe?" She looked agitated, but just like earlier when she was with the _orange_-haired hunk—uhh—I could see the playful glint in her eyes that obviously suggested she was anything but agitated.

The blond—Eucliffe? I think that was his last name, but I didn't have anything else to refer him by other than "blond-haired hunk." Anyways, Eucliffe smirked and his eyes shifted over to me, running over what little of my body he could see. Especially my breasts. It made a shiver go down my spine—whether it was a good or a bad one, I wasn't sure.

"Who's your pretty friend there?" He gestured with his head to me.

My face heated up once again and I wanted to just hide my face. Or my entire body. In a janitor's closet. Yeah, that's where I'll go before first period. I'll hide in there for the rest of my life. Well, until everyone in the school is gone and Ms. Supetto can pick me up without anyone seeing me. Yeah. That sounds like a good plan.

"This is Lucy-nyan," Lisanna said, smiling widely and winking at me. EEEEK! I know I agreed to let her call me Lucy-nyan, but I hadn't counted on her calling me that in front of other people! Omigosh this is so embarrassing... "I just met her a few minutes ago. Yes, she is really pretty and cute. But you can't have her," she huffed, "because you'll just break her pure, kind heart."

I felt like crying at her last words.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

Were there really this many kind people in the world? First Natsu, and then Erza, and now Lisanna. All of them have been so kind to me after not even meeting me five minutes before. It was all the more strange to me, as I've always had this vision of the world. Nearly everyone I've ever met before have been bullies, and/or assholes—granted most of said people have been business associates of my father, or the children of said business associates of my father. The only _real _kindness I've ever really experienced has come from my mother and Ms. Supetto—that is until the other day.

And did she just call me pretty, cute and kind? I found it incredibly hard to believe she thought those things about me. But I have to have faith in people, I told myself. Trust her.

And was it bad that I was so happy in that moment? Even if she was just joking?

"Lucy-nyan." Lisanna's voice brought me back to the present once again. Geez, I really need to stop spacing out. Lisanna's eyes seeked out mine, and I struggled greatly to look her in the eyes. I'm not exactly big on eye-contact. I settled for staring at her nose. It was perfect for her face—almost as if she had gotten a nose job, but I got the distinct feeling she wasn't the type. Okay, Lucy, quit thinking about how perfect her nose is and try actually _focusing on what she was saying_.

"I know I only just met you, Lucy-nyan," she said, looking away for a moment before smiling at me. Gosh, this girl smiles a lot. "But I can feel something coming from you... like perhaps we are meant to be friends?"

She felt it too? I guess I'm really not going insane... (_Smiles creepily. _Inwardly, of course.)

"It's only been all of ten minutes and I guess I just have this really good feeling about you. That you're a good person, and like I just said: that you have a pure heart. I know it's crazy. I know you probably think _I'm _crazy. But—"

Without really thinking about it, I interrupted. I am so rude oh my gosh. "N-no! I-I don't think your crazy... I-I feel the same, a-actually. Um... thank you for even t-talking to me in the f-first place a-and especially for, um, being s-so nice..."

Before she could answer me, the blond-haired hunk—err, Eucliffe cut in. "Ooh, are you switching teams, Lis? That'd be so hot."

"I second that," cut in the orange-haired hunk. Ugh! Stop being a pervert, Lucy! Stop it! ...WOW! (Help me before I turn into a mental patient—that is if I'm not one already.)

Lisanna's nose wrinkled and she glared playfully at the two. "I have nothing against lesbian relationships, thank you very much, but I think I'm only into guys. Unless we're talking about Jenny Realight." She winked, and I swear that the orange-haired guy got a nosebleed.

"I-I love Jenny Realight," I said nervously, picking at the hem of my shirt.

Jenny Realight is a FairyTube music sensation. I've been following her work since before she became really well-known last year.

Lisanna lit up like a Christmas tree. I wanted to laugh, but didn't have the heart to. She was just so sweet and kind and I don't think I can handle this. I can't handle this many people. It was all so foreign to me and I'm so awkward around people. Ever since my mom died…

"Really?!" Lisanna squealed. "Jenny is amazing. Her new song '_Real or Fake, Give or Take_' is like my life motto."

I smiled shyly, nodding my head in agreement.

"Okay, okay, quiet down everyone," the white cat, Professor Carla, spoke up once again. Oh my Mavis I'm never going to get used to this. CAT'S CAN'T TALK. "It's time to take attendance and then afterwards we'll listen to some announcements, pledge the allegiance, take a short break, and then you'll all head to your first period classes."

"Ooh, ooh, Carla!" The blue cat, Professor Happy, pleaded, "Can I do the attendance? _Please_?"

Professor Carla huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. "Whatever, tomcat. But do it right! No goofing off."

"Aye, sir!" Professor Happy cheered. He plucked the clipboard off of the desk he was standing on and awkwardly held the pen with one of his paws. "Cana Alberona?"

A girl in the front row with long, pretty auburn hair lifted up a lazy hand. "Here," she groaned.

"Natsu Dragneel," Professor Happy called next, and I felt the air leave my lungs. Natsu was in this homeroom? I didn't see a head of short, untamed pink hair anywhere in the room, which could only mean—

"Natsu got sick last night," whined Professor Happy to Professor Carla. "He hardly ever gets sick. And he was so looking forward to his first day, too."

Professor Carla shrugged and shook her head in disappointment as Professor Happy marked something off on the clipboard and moved on. "Sting Eucliffe."

The blond-haired hunk—urg!—stood up with some sort of, I don't know, swagger? "Here," he said coolly before taking his seat again.

So his name was Sting, eh? Kind of strange, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't suit him.

Professor Happy hummed. "Carla, how do you think you say this?"

Professor Carla grumbled something and Professor Happy nodded, repeating, "Jellal Fernandes."

A guy with cobalt-blue hair with, from what I could see from here, some sort of tattoo—or perhaps a birthmark, considering he didn't look old enough for tattoos—around his right eye rose his hand to signal he was there, but didn't say anything.

"Gray Fullbuster."

Two rows in front of me a guy with blue-black hair rose two fingers. "Here," he said idly. Did I mention he wasn't wearing a shirt? I could only see his back, considering he was in front of me, but that was a _nice_ back. I could see the muscles from here and how strong and chiseled his shoulders were.

Perverted Lucy is back, people. ...WOW! (This is a cry for help!)

It suddenly occurred to me that the cat was announcing last names. Crap! I can't let anyone figure out my last name! Heartfilia Railroads is a huge company and if people even heard my last name they'd immediately know that I'm loaded. I don't want people to know I'm loaded. When people know you're loaded they treat you differently—and I can't have that. Not after last time…

"Lucy He—"

"Here!" I practically screeched, and everyone turned to look at me curiously and/or strangely. Mavis, have mercy! Mercy!

Professor Happy tilted his head at me, but continued. "Weirdo." I had the sudden urge to strangle him. "Anyways... Aries Lamb."

The adorable pink-haired girl from earlier trembled visibly in her seat, raising a shaking hand. "H-here... I'm sorry!" She buried her face in her hands and practically hid under the desk.

At least I'm not the only shy one around here. That made me feel a little bit better.

"Loke Leo."

This time the orange-haired hunk—stop it or I'll kill you! Er... myself?—rose his hand swiftly, before blowing a kiss that oddly made my insides tingle. "I'm here, ladies," he said huskily. A few girls squealed while others looked away and a few rolled their eyes. It was pretty easy to categorize them all: The squealing ones were the girls who hadn't dated him yet, the ones that looked away were probably past girlfriends, and the ones that rolled their eyes were either girls who had been played before or just simply didn't like players in general.

"Juvia Lockser."

The girl directly in front of me rose her hand. She had really, really shiny blue hair that reminded me of the ocean. It was only now that I realized the gloomy aura that surrounded her. Depression practically rolled off of her in waves. It made me feel sad, and I was really curious as to why she was so sad too. Not that I'd be able to ask her, though, because it looks as if I can't talk to anyone unless they talk to me first—and I could barely do it then, either.

"Levy McGarden."

The blue-haired girl that came in with Lisanna rose her hand, but her eyes were obviously glued to the book in her hand. I couldn't blame her—that book was mysterious and when I read it last year I couldn't stop till the very end. Plus the fact that it had quite a few... _steamy_ scenes.

"Laki Olietta."

A pretty, albeit nerdy-looking girl with flowing lavender-colored hair glanced up from what looked to be a textbook, adjusting her glasses and calling cheerfully, "Here!"

"Erza Scarlet."

Erza! Where was she, anyway? I hadn't seen her since she told me we were going to be expelled. (Was that even actually true?! I'd have to ask her later.) "Here, Professor Happy, sir." I nearly jumped out of my skin. She was on the other side of Lisanna, standing up with perfect posture. This girl was really big on manners, wasn't she? She still scares me, though... But I'm very grateful for her help earlier, too, don't get me wrong! I'll always be grateful.

"Lisanna Strauss."

Lisanna giggled beside me, stood up, and bowed politely. "Here," she said breezily before plopping into her seat again. How could she be so... bright? I got the feeling that she was always like this. How was it even possible for someone to always be as happy as she appeared to be?

"Rylee Trace."

"Right here," said a playful voice that was fairly close to me. I turned to my left—and did a double take. Or two.

The girl beside me was the very definition of "drop-dead gorgeous." She had waist-length hair, a shade of Russian violet, straightened to perfection. Her eyes were intimidating, being a dark cyber-yellow, and reminded me of a werewolf. Her skin was more on the peachy side of fair, which seemed to just glow, and she had a heart-shaped face. To top it all off she was tall; like, supermodel tall. Do you know how tall most supermodels are? Yeah, really tall and they have nice legs, too—

Quit the creepy talk, Lucy. You sound like a supermodel stalker. Or something. ...WOW! (I'm too lazy to even beg for help right now. I'll just ask Ms. Supetto to drive me to that mental hospital we passed on the drive over here...)

"Ryker Trace."

Holy mother of everything that is hot. Th-this guy... now he, _he _was the very definition of "hot as hell." I don't even care if I sound like a pervert right now—he was undeniably _sexy_. Strangely enough though he looked exactly like the girl beside me (most likely they were siblings—either that or it was just a huge coincidence that they have the same last names), other than the unshaven stubble and muscles so lean and defined that I could just stare at them for hours on end and never get bored of them.

What was up with the people at this school? Why was everyone of them so good-looking? They were just as, if not more, hotter than hot anime characters. I didn't even know that was possible. This must be fangirl heaven... The only thing that's missing is the fanservice.

"Alright, class," Professor Carla spoke up, interrupting my very vivid daydream of hot, real life guys and hot anime guys doing squeal-worthy things together. Damn.

We then listened to some rather boring announcements, mainly just "hello"s and "welcome"s before pledging the allegiance, and then Professor Happy told us we were free to do whatever we like for ten minutes or so before heading to first period.

I used the first of the ten minutes to explain to Lisanna and Erza that I had to put some stuff in my locker (that conversation went a little something like this: "W-well, I, um, h-have to g-go... b-bye!") and then ran a fast as I could (more like walked briskly because I really didn't want to get busted by the hall monitor, if there even was one) to the janitor's closet, where I would remain for the rest of said ten minutes, and slammed the door shut behind me.

This was going to be a looong day.

**Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ**

* * *

Well, it looks like my thirty minutes are up. So that's how my day has been so far. Lunch is after next period, so after I eat I'll write some more—that is if anything even happens in that time.

Goodbye for now, diary—ehem, journal. Looks like I'm already getting used to writing in you... ugh.

Feeling overwhelmed,

Lucy

* * *

**~..:Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ:..~**

* * *

**A/N: for all you lisanna haters out there—lisanna is a wonderful person! i'm tired of people making her into some witch bitch when in fact she is one of the nicest people in ft and has a rather weird side xD i really like her, so to any lisanna haters out there, i'm sorry, but if you can't handle lisanna as a good guy... then get the hell outta here. :p**

**anyways, thank you so much for all of your support thus far! you have no idea how much it means to me.**

~CeeCee~


	4. Of First Days — Part III

**song rec: **Demons - Imagine Dragons

* * *

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..::..

**Entry #4:**

_Of First Days_

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_Part III_

..::..

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**STILL Monday, September 9th.**

Dear Diary—ehem, Journal,

I am such an _idiot_.

So I'm finally at home now, resisting the urge to scream, yell and cry until my eyes are sore. Did that seriously, for realzies, actually, happen? Please say no, please say no...

Yes, yes it did.

Damnit.

I am so _screwed_! It was only the first day, and already my life is messed up! And that's... well, messed up!

I can't believe I did that in front of a complete stranger, even if she was nice about it! And then I proceeded to make an ever bigger fool of myself for the rest of the day… uggghhh.

Anyways, you're probably (who am I talking to?) sitting there thinking "WTF WOMAN?!" while I'm here rambling, so I'll just get to the point...

Sigh.

**Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ**

* * *

So I was sitting on a toilet in the girls' restroom eating my lunch—like a normal person—when the door opened and three pairs of heels echoed on the walls. I lifted my tray off my lap and pulled my feet up from the floor, trying to remain quiet. _I_ know that I'm a total loser for sitting in here by myself when I could have been sitting with Lisanna and Erza in the cafeteria (although in my defense, I couldn't find them anywhere), but whoever just entered didn't need to know that.

"So, I heard that Loke _totally_ wants to get back together with you," one girl said condescendingly. I could practically _hear_ the roll of her eyes. I also recognized her voice. She's in my AP Calculus class, I think. Her name is... Everorange? Evergreen? Something along those lines.

Another girl giggled. "Yeah, we heard it from that new girl Mirajane, who'd heard it from that hilarious drunk chick, and hilarious drunk chick heard it from that nerd with the light purple hair and geeky glasses, who apparently heard it from Loke himself."

There was a hum from the final girl, and I felt a shiver run down my spine. It was that gorgeous girl from Homeroom! Rylee, I think her name is. Holy smokes. "Well, I don't blame him for wanting to get back together with me," she said with a confidence I could only ever dream to have. Her voice was so smooth, and sultry, and I knew that if that voice were to say something cruel, it'd cut through you like steel. "But, I'm like, so totally over him. I want Gray now, and I think he wants me too. Of course, there is the issue of him being Natsu's frienemy, but I think Natsu'll get over it. Eventually."

Natsu? Wait, this girl knew him? I shouldn't have been surprised, really, because it seems as if half of the students here know each other, but I still found myself blinking in confusion. Are they close?

The second girl sighed dreamily. "Ahh, Gray is so hot. Every time I see him I just wanna say, 'Come to Flare, sexy.'" So her name is Flare? Interesting. I wondered if she was in any of my classes.

I heard three simultaneous "pops" of caps being returned to tubes of lipstick, and then the smacking of lips. "That's true," said Everpurple, "but that idiot gets over things pretty quickly. He might be mad for a day or two, but then I'm sure he'll be happy for you."

"_Unless_," giggled Flare, "he actually has _feelings _for you. I mean, when Loke broke up with you, Natsu beat him to a pulp simply because he made you cry. Plus, the two of you have been best friends since day one, and he must at the very least think you're hot. Because, like, you so totally are."

Rylee chuckled, the sound vibrating through the walls. My skin had goosebumps. Why did her voice get me like this? It was so strange. "I think it could be fun to go out with Natsu. He's the perfect guy, really. He's hot, he cares about people, he's protective, and those _lips_, damn. No doubt he's got to be a great kisser. But I also feel like it'd be way too weird. Like you said; we've been friends since forever. He's kind of like a childish kid brother. So, for now, I'm going for Gray, but maybe if Natsu shows any interest in dating me, I'll go for him."

The three laughed before stalking out of the bathroom, the door slamming behind them. I sighed in relief. My legs were cramping so bad from being in the awkward position on the toilet. I stood up, setting my empty tray on the floor, and stretched my arms and legs. Ahhh.

"Popular people are so weird," a voice above my head remarked.

I'd like to say that I didn't scream, like really loudly, but unfortunately I did.

How embarrassing.

I looked up, my eyes locking with a pair of soft hazel ones. It was that girl from Homeroom—the one that was reading one of my favorite books! Levy, was it?

Her head was peeking over the top of the stalls, although I could barely see past her nose. Even standing on the toilet, she was barely tall enough to see over the other stall.

"U-u-uh, um, yeah. R-really... weird. Haha. Ha." (_Internally smacks tray into face._)

The blue-haired girl smiled, reaching her hand over the wall of the stall and tried offering it to me. "I'm Levy McGarden, by the way," she laughed. My cheeks pinked, and I lifted my hand to grasp it with hers, but when I felt my shirt ride up my stomach I abandoned that idea and opted for standing on the toilet, too. At least we'd be face-to-face. But, then again, she'd be able to see me better _and what if she wanted to make eye-contact!? _

God, why can't I just be _normal_?

I swallowed and slowly stood up, trying to keep my balance and not look like even more of an idiot. I shakily put my hand into hers. "M-my name is u-um, Lucy." Good, good! You finally said your own name without stuttering! Yay you!

"Yeah, I know," said Levy. I resisted the reflex to choke on my own spit.

"Y-you-you do?"

"Well, yeah. We're both in the same Homeroom, and we also share AP English Literature. And by the end of the day, maybe a few more classes, too. Plus, Lisanna told me all about you," she laughed. "She said you were awesome and that when I get the chance, I should talk to you. Don't freak out, but, I saw you bring your lunch in here so I sort of... followed you. I didn't want to seem rude—or creepy—so I was going to wait until you came out to say hello, but I thought now was as good a time as any. I'm sorry." She smiled sheepishly.

I admit, I was a little freaked out, but I melted. She seemed generally sweet and she risked being seen eating in the bathroom just to say hello to me. "Ah, um, d-don't be sorry. It's okay." I tried to smile warmly back, but it felt really awkward so instead I pursed my lips and tried to look normal. (A small voice in my head screamed, "YEAH RIGHT! LIKE THAT WILL EVER HAPPEN!)

"Yay!" she cheered, her face lighting up with smile so bright it rivaled Lisanna's. "There's still ten minutes left of Lunch. Would you like to come and hang out with me and my friends? Lisanna and Erza should still be there as well..."

My heart started to beat rapidly. Why did I always have to feel this way? They were just _people_.

But another part of me thought back to Magnolia Girls' Leadership Academy. I was so miserable there. At first, I was completely ignored. And then as the weeks passed by somehow I had been labeled as a "stuck-up bitch" and my life was hell after that.

I guess I was afraid of this happening again. I found myself thinking back on those days. It had only been four months since I'd left, and being here, it felt like years ago. But the memories still haunted me—burning under the surface. I don't want to feel that horrible sting of a slap to the face again, or hear the cruel laughter that echoed through the hallways as I'm shoved into a corner, sobbing silently on my knees with my hands covering my ears as they screamed at me "bitch," "whore," "gold digger," "go die in the hole you crawled out of."

I felt panic surge me as I relived the moments, my heart beating so fast that it burned. It was like I was there again, my eyes wide with horror and tears being the only thing that I could see. Pain radiated through my abdomen as someone kicked me, and my scalp stung as another ripped at my hair. All I could think was, "What did I ever do to you?" and, "Do I deserve this?"

"Yes, Lucy. You do," a familiar voice whispered to me.

"No," I whispered. "No! Leave me alone. Please... please, just leave me alone..."

Suddenly everything went silent. I was in a dark room, so dark I couldn't see my own hand in front of my face. At least I was alone now. My mind was racing so fast that as soon as one thought entered my mind, it was gone and another took its' place. My lungs burned. I felt like I had been thrown through a brick wall.

When I opened my eyes, the room wasn't completely dark anymore. There was a red aura several feet in front of me. It glowed, and I was struck by how... familiar it felt. Just the sight of it sent me into hyperventilation all over again.

And then it spoke. The voice was mechanical at first, almost undistinguishable.

_"Nobody likes you."_

_"It's your fault."_

And then the voice grew louder, clearer, and I realized that I've heard all of this before. It was those girls. Those awful, awful girls. Everything was coming back to me in a rush—every awful thing they'd ever said to me.

_"I bet your mother was a whore who got pregnant on purpose in order to marry a rich guy."_

It's my fault.

_"She probably killed herself. Who would want to live with such an ugly daughter?"_

And the saddest part was...

_"I bet your father beats you. What kind of self-respecting father _wouldn't _want to beat a skank like you?"_

It's my fault.

_"If only you were born pretty, then maybe you'd have a chance. But there are some guys out there who will do anything for some ass. Even if _you _don't have one."_

...everything was probably true.

"_It's your fault!_"

_"If only you were never born."_

MY fault.

If only I was never born.

_MY_. _FAULT_.

"—Lucy! Please, Lucy, can you hear me? It's Levy... hey, I'm right here, Lucy. Snap out of it! It's not real." Small hands lightly smacked my tear-stained cheeks, demanding my attention. "You're right here, with me, Levy. We're in the bathroom. Do you feel the wall? Do you feel the tiles? Do you feel _me_? Wherever you think you are, you're not. You're right here. Can you hear me?"

My vision slowly came back to me, along with the rest of my other senses. I gasped for air, my lungs burning. My heart slowly steadied.

The voices were gone.

All but one.

Mine.

We sat there for a while. The silence was overbearing, but comforting in a way.

I finally mustered the courage to speak. "Wh-what… what _was_ th-that?" My voice cracked so badly I thought it might have been broken. Had I been screaming?

I was sitting on the bathroom floor with Levy sat on her knees in front of me. Did she really crawl under the stall just to snap me out of it?

"I…" Levy started, breathing out a sigh of relief. "Geez, Lucy, you scared me! And I'm no psychologist, but… I'm pretty sure you were having a severe panic attack. May I ask… why? I completely respect your privacy—you don't need to tell me. But, um, was it... something I said?"

I stared blankly at her. In all honesty, this wasn't the first time something like this has happened. I've had anxiety issues ever since my mom died, and have been known to have a little panic here and there. But it had never been… like this. Where everything literally faded around me and I was somewhere else, reliving something I didn't want to relive. It was like a dream. Or perhaps more accurately—a nightmare.

Closing my eyes, I breathed in deeply, forcing myself to speak up. "N-no, not at all, I promise. It wasn't you. I-I just… Thank you. For being here, I mean. And not… leaving. Thanks. U-um I don't kn-know if I, um, feel comfortable telling you exactly… wh-what happened, but maybe later. I'm sorry."

Slowly, and a bit cautiously, Levy smiled. "Okay. And really, it's no problem. I'm just glad I could help. Are you okay? I know that's a stupid question, but…"

I smiled, too, and stood up, wiping away the tears from cheeks. "Yes, I-I'm fine. I just—I thought of s-something I probably shouldn't have, a-and I guess my mind just lost itself. I d-don't really understand what happened, but... thank you for being there to snap me o-out of it. I'm really e-embarrassed, hah…"

Levy unlocked the bathroom stall, stepping out. I followed her, carrying my backpack and tray of empty food with me. "Don't be, honestly," lightly laughed Levy, rubbing the back of her neck. "I have a bit of practice. I volunteer at Magnolia Hospital on Sundays, and it isn't uncommon for a few patients to go through what you just did."

"I see. Well—" At that moment the warning bell rang, signifying that all students needed to be at their next class within five minutes. "—we… b-better get to class." Levy nodded, and we both took to washing our hands before leaving the restroom, walking out into the crowded halls. "A-again, thank you, L-Levy," I said shyly, tucking a strand of hair that had come loose from one of my pigtails behind my ear.

"It was no problem, Lucy! And if it makes you comfortable, I won't tell anyone," Levy said, smiling once more.

"Y-yeah, I'd appreciate that." I began backing away, towards the cafeteria to return my tray.

Levy nodded. "Okay, well, I guess I'll see you later? Who knows, maybe we have some more classes together." She grinned. "And, you never did answer, because, you know, but… Would you like to sit with me and my friends tomorrow? You already know Erza and Lisanna, and everyone else are very kind and open to other people, so they really wouldn't mind if you joined us." Levy looked at me questioningly, hopefully, and I didn't have it in me to say no.

I gathered all of my willpower, pushing away the thoughts full of doubt, and said with the most vigor I'd had in years: "Yes, I would love to." I owed her for what she did for me, and I would do my best to repay her.

"Awesome, yay!" Levy cheered cutely, backing away herself, in the opposite direction. "I'll see you later, Lu!" And she was gone, disappearing in the crowd.

Another nickname.

And, possibly… another friend?

**Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ**

* * *

So, in short, today wasn't a horrible day. Sure, I'd embarrassed myself so many times I can't even count, but it was okay.

Somehow, after writing everything that had just happened, I feel better, calmer. Like I can see things clearer than I had before. Hah, I guess I really _am _getting used to this diary—ehem, journal.

And now I have Ms. Supetto, Natsu, Erza, Lisanna, and possibly Levy.

Five friends.

I really did have the worst timing though. I just hoped that something like that would ever happen again, because it was more terrifying than I could ever explain. But it's over with now, and I have Levy to thank for that.

Feeling strangely optimistic,

Lucy

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**~..:Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ:..~**

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**A/N: the main thing that got me to finish the last 200 words of this chapter was fellow writer here on ffn, ****LoneStorm****. she is such a cutie and she gave me some encouraging words a few weeks back, which i really appreciate. go check out her stories, they're amazing! be careful reading The Keys of Fire, however, bc mainly fluff overload, but also bc it causes people to become addicted and they can't stop reading until they're finished. x'D (trust me, i know this from experience.)**

**i truly am sorry for the lack of updates though. i'm trying to get my life back together now, and i hope i can be better about updating from here on out. thank you so much for reading and still being here, i really, really appreciate it.**

~CeeCee~


	5. Of First Hugs

**song rec:** Innocence - Amalee

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..::..

**Entry #5:**

_Of First Hugs_

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**Tuesday, September 10th.**

Dear Diary—ehem, Journal,

I. Can't. Even. Right. Now!

Now you (who am I talking to?) are going to have to bare with me right now. I am in a very strange mood that is in between ecstatic and delirious. So if I seem crazy, well, that's probably because I am. Although I blame some of it on starvation. Eido has yet to prepare dinner, and it's nearly eight! So I figured I would write in the meantime.

Back on topic—I am actually so happy right now! Yesterday was a trainwreck, and today wasn't too far off either (and you'll see why), but two majorly amazing things has occurred in my social life. (Or should I say, the complete lack of human interaction! HAHAHAHA. I'm so funny I could just DIE. No, literally. Wanna help me dig my grave?)

Aaaanyway (I'm honestly starting to fear for my mental health), should I actually get on to explaining why I'm being more of a weirdo than usual?

God has decided to both answer my prayers and also throw me into anxiety-induced situations. I am the type of person who desperately wants friends, but was _blessed _(note the sarcasm) with a very bad case of social anxiety. Those two things do not go together very well.

So, as you can guess, I met more people today to embarrass myself in front of! Well, when I put it like _that_ it doesn't sound like something to be happy about. What I mean is, I have _eight_ friends now! EIGHT! Can you believe that? Me neither. I honestly feel like this is some huge prank, but I don't even care. I'd play along with it because this is the first time I've felt like I actually fit in somewhere.

I've come to the conclusion that the decision to go to Fairy Academy was probably the best one I've ever made. Despite making a complete fool of myself every passing moment, my experience thus far hasn't been horrible.

At least it's not Magnolia Girls' Leadership Academy.

Anyway, I should probably get along to telling you the whole story.

**Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ**

* * *

I had only just stepped into Homeroom when I was tackled to the ground. The wind was completely knocked out of me, but somehow I still managed to shriek louder than I'm willing to admit. Oops?

I fell flat on my back with an _oof_, but luckily my head was cushioned from the fall by my attacker's arm. "What the hell?!" I wanted to say for the dramatic effect, but instead an enormous blush spread across my face and my heart beat rapidly in my chest. This is what human interaction did to someone like me, who didn't have much experience with it. It was like expecting the worst to happen at any moment, which, perhaps I wasn't too far off the mark here. I didn't think this was what happened with people who weren't as socially inept as myself.

I reminded myself to breathe. I felt like my face was turning purple from the breath I'd been holding.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

"Luigi!" the person that tackled me said childishly, hugging me closer. I squeaked in embarrassment and my heart felt like it was going to explode. "I'm so sorry I wasn't here yesterday!"

Wait, Natsu?! Eeek! I was not prepared for this, and the nervous butterflies in my stomach instantly tripled. It had somehow slipped my mind that he was in the same Homeroom. Seeing him again brought back the memories of the other day, meeting him in the grocery store, him being so kind as to help me up and find my glasses, and then calling me his friend...

His head lifted from the crook of my neck so he could look at me and I wished he hadn't done that. _Look anywhere but my face, please! _I prayed to all of the Gods and Goddesses and anime characters that I could think of. _If anything, please, no eye contact…_

I have a serious problem. Or thirty.

And, of course, his gorgeous—ah, I mean onyx-colored eyes locked with mine, and he grinned the most dazzling smile I had ever seen. It reminded me of Soul from _Soul Eater_, but Natsu's smile was cuter in a way and there was less drool involved. My heart wanted to melt but my nerves were overpowering.

He adjusted the glasses on my face which, upon the fall, had skewed slightly. However I didn't have time to react to this—for which I was relieved—as Natsu was yanked off of me by the collar of his shirt. I took this opportunity to scramble to my feet and fix my clothes, nervously looking around the room. I'm a great friend, I know. Not that I've had any experience in the subject. Especially not with teenage boys. Only animated teenage boys.

What is my life?

My blush came back full force when I noticed that everyone was looking at me. I wanted to dig a hole, go inside it, and drag the dirt over me and stay there for the rest of eternity.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

A low growl brought my attention back to Natsu and whoever had pulled him back. I flinched. The great and beautiful Erza held him by the neck, where Natsu was struggling to get out of her grasp. She dressed similar to how she did the day before, only today the knee-length skirt was a pastel red and the sleeveless button-up shirt in black.

This was probably my imagination, but I swear mini devil horns were peaking out through her scarlet hair.

"Apologize!" she scorned. I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little terrified. The angry, almost evil look on her face sent shivers down my spine. "How dare you force yourself on her, you _scoundrel_!"

How does she manage to be scary and majestic at the same time? She's like a beautiful nightmare.

"I-I-I'm sorry!" Natsu said pathetically as he gave up on his struggle. It wasn't doing him any good. "You gotta let me down now Erza, please! Can't… breathe…!"

Erza looked at me, her eyebrows raised, and I gulped. I figured she wasn't going to drop him until I gave her the okay. My heart, which was still beating rapidly from this whole ordeal, squeezed once again as I opened my mouth to speak. The words wouldn't come out—I was too focused on the fact that every pair of eyes were focused on me. My knees shook and I felt like I was going to pass out. Pull yourself together Lucy, damn it!

My anxiousness must have been very obvious, because Erza's face softened as she looked at me, and she nodded in what I could only assume to be understanding. I was relieved that she didn't think I was strange (at least, she wasn't treating me as if I were), but at the same time I wanted to smack myself with a baseball bat. Why do I get like this? It frustrates me beyond anything. No matter how hard I try, it seems like I can never suppress it.

Erza promptly dropped Natsu, and he fell to his knees in a coughing fit. He looked up at me when he was finished, and I wanted to die from how cute it was (and of course because he was looking at me in the first place—but at least he didn't make eye contact! ...I hate myself). How the frick did he do that to me? With one glance I wanted to melt into a puddle on the floor.

Is he the real-life Tamaki Suoh?! Natsu gave me serious anime character vibes. To be honest, everyone at this school did. It was both creepy and amazing to me.

"Sorry about that; I was just excited to see you," he said, grinning at me. Don't look at me like that! Oh my Mavis. My blood was pumping so fast that every little action made me want to puke. Or pass out. Or die. All of the above.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

I tried to smile back, but I probably looked constipated.

It was then that I caught something out of the corner of my eye that made me tremble. The incredibly, impossibly, astonishingly beautiful—um, I mean, the pretty girl that sits next to me here in Homeroom (Rylee, I think her name is?) was glaring at me so intensely that I felt like she was going to murder me. I'd help her decide what method she should use.

However, knowing that she most likely wouldn't stoop to murder, I decided that whatever I had done to make her so angry, I would do anything to take it back—even if it meant I could never go near anything Japanese ever again! (Well, I wouldn't go _that _far.) Her glowing yellow eyes burned holes into my skin. Well, they would have if we were actually in an anime. Details, details.

(On a side note—I wonder where she bought her contacts from because they are amazing. And scary as heck. But still really cool.)

Natsu followed my gaze to Rylee and, she must have noticed this, because her appearance quickly changed. Her eyes softened sweetly, and her frowning mouth turned upside down into a beautiful smile. How could someone be so stunning, yet with a change of facial expression, become menacing? It wasn't in a way like Erza, where she simply had a bad case of mood swings. This girl knew what she was doing, and it made me nervous.

Natsu grinned back at the girl, waving. I didn't understand how someone like Natsu could be so close with someone like Rylee—they seemed to be opposites. But I had no right to judge their friendship; I knew little to nothing about them, or friendship in general. Maybe opposite was good.

I looked back at Natsu, still seated on the floor. I had been too distracted earlier to take in his appearance, but now was as good a time as any. He wore a black hoodie advertising a band I'd never heard of and a pair of grey joggers. There was a white scale-like scarf wrapped around his neck and in the back of my mind I wondered how he could wear such warm clothing in the heated classroom.

His hair was just as unruly as the day I met him, however the salmon pink was slightly faded. I could see the dark brown of his roots coming in and it made the pink stand out ever the more, if that were possible. I really like the color on him. I'd always wanted to dye my hair a funky color but the daughter of Jude Heartfilia could never do something so "juvenile" and "delinquent."

I wanted to offer Natsu my hand but the combination of my tenseness and Rylee Trace's stare didn't allow it. The most I could manage was a "I-I'm gonna go… s-sit at my d-desk now…" in a barely audible voice, and then I raced to take my seat, my eyes trained on the floor.

But of course that was when Rylee stuck out her supermodel-worthy leg, and I (typically) didn't react in time. I have the agility of a snail. I basically _am _a snail. A snail with blonde hair and glasses.

I blinked, returning to reality. Oh yeah, I was about to make a faceplant on tile floor. I'd probably need plastic surgery afterward. And, I wondered, how the hell do I keep getting myself into these situations? The great and powerful Erza would save me again, right? RIGHT?! If not, then… Usui! Oh Usui, please, I begeth you!

...No? Yato! Yato, I'll give you five yen to save my ass, _please_!

It was then that somebody grabbed me, and time sped up again. But why was I still falling?

I choked on my own spit when Natsu slid underneath me, breaking my fall. He landed on his back, and I ended up on top of him not even a second later. It was like laying on a firm mattress. However when I looked down, I wanted to die right there. (I'm just starting to realize how suicidal I sound.)

I swear I'm the magnet for humiliation. Seriously, how much more embarrassing can I get? Actually, no, I shouldn't say that, because it can definitely be much worse.

But at this moment in time, I couldn't have possibly imagined a compromising position to be in.

My breasts were squashed in his face, and I was practically straddling him. His arms were wrapped around my waist, almost protectively, which really confused me.

Actually, this whole situation really confused me. Why did he risk himself in order to save me from getting hurt? This wouldn't only bruise him physically but also socially. The fun and adorable—ah, kind Natsu Dragneel (I think that's his last name anyway) helping out the awkward, antisocial, crazy girl?

He did say we were friends, though… Maybe this is what friends did for each other?

And he was so happy to see me earlier that he tackled me into a hug. And he apologized for not being able to see me yesterday even though he had no control over that. And then he fixed my glasses for me.

Then he goes and does this…

It warmed my heart beyond anything I've ever felt. I didn't understand how he could do all of this for someone he didn't even know. I appreciated it more than I could ever express.

When my mom died, I felt like I lost everything. Ever since then I've always felt like an outsider, like I didn't matter, like I could run away and no one would realize I was missing. And then Girls' Leadership Academy happened and my life was getting worse and worse by the day. But now here I am, with so many wonderful people who actually seemed to care about me. I don't think I'll ever get used to it.

The room erupted with laughter. I didn't even want to know how we must have looked. I was sure that the skirt I had—regrettably—decided to wear today had rode up my thighs, exposing way more skin than I was comfortable with. Good thing it was formfitting, otherwise it most likely would have flown up and shown the whole student body (well, the eight or so people in the room) my star-patterned underwear.

(For your information, no, I am not five. Leave me and my constellation undergarments alone. I'll create a petition! "Stop criticizing women's choice of underwear. Sign today to accomplish nothing." That'll teach you!)

Okay, seriously Lucy, stop daydreaming and get the hell off of him! Laying there dumbfounded wasn't going to accomplish anything aside from further mortification.

At this thought I clumsily scrambled to my feet, trying to avoid coming in contact with him anywhere else. I had only been at school for all of ten minutes and we'd already touched in more ways than I have with anyone in my whole my life.

My face was on fire. I felt dehydrated. I wanted to jump into a pool of ice. Would I _ever _get used to touching? I hope so because normal people didn't want to cower when someone did something as simple as touch their shoulder.

"S-s-s-s-sorry!" I finally stammered. Oh my god. I should just cut my tongue off. At least the stutter would stop.

My gaze wavered in the space between Rylee and Natsu. I didn't want to look at either one of them. If Rylee was mad before, I had the feeling that the violet-haired girl was _livid _now.

The snickers throughout the room continued as I took my seat. I didn't waste a moment in slamming my head down on my desk, arms wrapped around myself. I would do anything to become invisible in that moment.

"You okay?" someone asked gently, and I just about burst into tears. I was happy and touched that he was bothering to ask, but he was only making it worse for the both of us. I already knew that at some point, sooner or later, Rylee was going to do something to me. I've seen that look on her face before. Many times. It was the face of someone who wanted to give you a piece of their mind, threaten you, hurt you, do whatever they had to do in order to get what they wanted.

I really hope I'm wrong about her. It's possible that I was just being over sensitive, too stuck in the past, but something told me I wasn't. I know what a bully looks like, and that's her. I could spot one from a mile away. Maybe she had everybody else fooled, but I knew.

Rylee Trace was not to be messed with.

And that's why when she does approach me, whenever that may be, I would do whatever she wanted. I can't go through this again. I just can't. I know that I would break for good if I did. Nobody would be able to piece me back together—nobody would _want _to.

"Looney? Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you…" Oh for the love of pizza. He sounded so sad, dejected. I didn't want him to feel bad. It was my fault. "I'll leave you alone if that's what you want…"

I bolted upright at that, shaking my head so vigorously that my glasses nearly flew off. Before I knew what I was doing, I reached out, grabbing the sleeve of his sweatshirt.

What in the actual fudge? I… I just deliberately touched someone! Without hesitation! Oh my Mavis, I really must be going insane. What is wrong with me? I mean, besides the very obvious.

"N-no," I heard myself saying, "you don't have to. I-I mean, unless… u-unless you want to." CRINGE. Whyyyyyyy.

Natsu stared at me for a long moment. So long that with each passing second, the more and more I wished that I hadn't said anything.

But then his cheeks flushed, and some sort of squeaky cheer spilled from his mouth. His face lit up so bright it reminded me of the mother freaking sun from the Teletubbies.

And then just like that, his arms were around my shoulders in an embrace.

The air left my lungs. My heart stopped. I didn't understand. Why was he doing this? Was it really that easy? When you were happy, you could just reach out and hug? My mind couldn't comprehend it. I know that it happens—I've seen it on TV, in books, and of course anime. But I didn't realize it was so… normal? I just always figured that what I watched and read was fiction. That nobody was really that open.

Unless I'm wrong, and Natsu is just a very touch-feely kind of person. That could very well be it.

It felt like he was hugging me for ages. In reality it probably only lasted a mere few seconds. But to me it felt like forever. He was so… warm. In a comforting way. And he smelled like those cinnamon-scented pinecones. And his hair was really, really soft against my cheek. The only way I could really describe his hug was like… sitting by the fireplace with a mug of hot chocolate after playing in the snow. Fingers and toes tingling as your body slowly warmed. It was a wonderful feeling.

And that scared me.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

He finally pulled away, and I was both saddened and beyond relieved by this. If he had held on any longer I'm positive I would have started crying. I don't know if I can ever fully get used to kindness from others. I don't know if I _want _to get used to it. It always felt like at any moment the rug would be pulled from underneath my feet—and I'd land right on my ass. At least when it happens it will hurt less.

"Yo, Natsu! Dude, where were you yesterday?" a voice called from behind Natsu, and I instantly felt myself flush. It was Sting! The really, super, abnormally hot—ummm, I mean, the blond-haired guy from yesterday that's friends with Lisanna. "You were practically high on excitement, and then you didn't even show."

Natsu turned to face Sting, and this gave me the opportunity to peek around him. My blush instantly grew.

Somehow Sting looked even hotter today than he did the day before. His hair was slicked back and spiked, and he sported a single crystal-shaped earring in his left ear. He wore a formfitting, grey muscle tank top that clearly outlined his six-pack. About an inch or two of skin was revealed between the shirt and his dark wash skinny jeans, highlighting the V-line of his abdomen.

Seriously, what is the _matter _with the people at this school? Literally everyone is gorgeous. Fourteen and fifteen-year-olds aren't supposed to be this… (●´ω｀●)

And then there's me, who's like… (⊙︿⊙✿)

Natsu rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "Ah, I got sick. Pops cooked some bad shrimp. I was gonna come anyway—because bad shrimp ain't gonna hold me back!—but Pops forced me to stay home, the meanie. 'Said that I'd be sent home anyway."

Sting grinned, and it weirdly enough reminded me of Natsu's. "Well at least you're here now, eh?" he said, wrapping his arm around Natsu's shoulders and pulling him forward to give him a noogie. It was so casual. I hope that one day I'll be as comfortable with touching as everyone else seems to be.

"I beg to differ," scoffed a boy sitting two rows in front of me. My blush returned when I noticed he was shirtless. I wanted to cover my eyes but I simply couldn't take them off of his glorious torso. I remembered him from yesterday morning, although I couldn't quite place his name. Was it Grant? Something like that.

Natsu's expression did a one-eighty, his cheerful smile dropping into a sneer. "What'd you just say, Ice Princess?" he growled, and I almost whimpered in shock. Natsu had been so sweet not only seconds ago and now he was giving this "Ice Princess" the stink eye. Perhaps they just brought the worst out in each other.

"I _said_," the raven-haired boy ground out, "'I beg to differ.' Ya goin' deaf or somethin', Pyro?"

Natsu was gone and in Grayson's face within a blink of an eye. I watched, my mouth hung open in shock, as they proceeded to wrestle right there on the classroom floor.

A giggle beside me nearly made me jump out of me skin, and I looked to my right to see Lisanna sitting there. I didn't recall her ever coming in, but then again, this whole morning had been one thing after the other and I hadn't been paying much attention to what was going on around me.

"Good morning, Lucy-nyan," the white-haired girl said cheerfully.

I smiled at the nickname, the memory of meeting her yesterday flooding my mind. I took a deep breath, sucking in all of the courage I could muster, and said, "G-good morning, L-Lisanna-nyan."

Her face lit up at that, and she squealed, clasping her hands in front of her face. "Oh my gosh, how are you so _cute_?!" And, of course, cue my flushing. (Everything makes me blush, I swear.)

I wanted to deny her compliment, but I was also a little too happy knowing that she thought that. I definitely am _not_ cute—not in my opinion, anyway. But I would take a compliment when I got one, as I often didn't.

My gaze wandered back to Natsu and Grady, who were both still at it on the floor. I frowned, concerned. I didn't want either of them to get hurt and I was sure that when Professor Happy and Professor Carla walked in they would both be written up. (Also, no, I'm still not over the fact that they're _talking cats_.)

"Don't worry about those two, really," giggled Lisanna, waving her hand off in their direction. "They've been like this since they were kids. Don't tell them I told you this, but, they're actually pretty close. They just have a very… odd way of showing it. Not that they would ever admit to that." She rolled her eyes.

So they're actually friends? It sure didn't seem like it to me, but hey—what do I know?

"Oh yeah, I wanted to ask," Lisanna continued, "do you want to sit with me and my friends at Lunch? You didn't show up yesterday, and I was nervous that you had gotten lost or something."

I pursed my lips. I felt awful. I hadn't gotten lost, I had just… chickened out. But I promised Levy yesterday that I would, and I owed her, and now Lisanna since I had made her worry about me. "Y-yeah, s-sorry about that. I-I… didn't feel well." It wasn't technically a lie, but it was far from the truth. I'm a horrible person. I shouldn't be lying, especially to someone I considered a friend, but I just desperately didn't want her to think less of me. "I-I'll come today th-though, if that's really okay with y-you…"

Lisanna nodded her head eagerly, her smile widening. "Of course! What's your last class before Lunch? I can come by and we can walk together, if you—"

She was cut off when a loud bang echoed through the room. I would have fallen off my chair from the suddenness of it if Lisanna hadn't grabbed my shoulder to steady me. We slowly turned towards the source, and I wanted to pee my pants at the sight before me.

Erza was standing above Natsu and the shirtless hunk (uhhh), a look of pure ferocity on her face. The small devil horns I had thought I'd seen earlier were definitely there this time, except they were twice the size. A long red tail whipped back and forth aggressively behind her. In one hand she held a crimson pitch fork and the other was in a tight fist—was that a vein popping?—on some poor kid's desk. Said desk had _splintered off_ on the corner. I guessed that must have been the loud noise.

Natsu and Graham were somehow oblivious to the whole situation. They continued their brawl on the floor, throwing lame insults at each other.

That is until Erza started snarling. A dark, evil sound, that sent shivers down my spine. Maybe she actually _is _the Devil. At least when she's angry.

They both stopped their wrestling abruptly, as if they recognized the sound so well that it triggered something within him. They both turned to her ever so slowly; pure horror practically radiated off of them. The scarlet-haired girl's glare was so intimidating that even I felt like I had done something wrong. Her golden brown eyes were in slits, the right one twitching. Oh, if looks could kill, those two would have been dead already.

"Were you…," she whispered, and for a second it sounded like she wasn't even angry. I was very wrong. "..._fighting_?" That last word dripped with an icy venom, the threat all but present.

Natsu and the shirtless hunk squealed in terror. They clung to each other desperately, as if trying to use the other as a shield from Erza's wrath. The scene was both hilarious and pathetic. I felt bad for them, but really, they had it coming.

"N-no, President Erza!" they piped in unison. I had the feeling this happened often.

"Th-that's right, we're b-best friends! Aye, sir!" Natsu nodded his head heartily, as if that would convince her. The grin on his face was forced, petrified. Graydon's expression mimicked his to the T, and he, too, nodded in agreement at Natsu's statement.

"Well, that's lovely! I'm glad it was all just a big misunderstanding." I couldn't catch my jaw before it dropped. Erza appeared completely normal now, all Devil-like symptoms gone; as if they were never there in the first place.

Natsu and the raven-haired boy were so relieved by this that they fell onto their stomachs, releasing the breath I assumed they must have been holding.

"Now get to your seats! Professor Happy and Professor Carla will be here any moment, and you two do not need detention on your second day!" said Erza, her voice stern and commanding.

"But Erza," Natsu whined (does he have a death wish?!), "they wouldn't do that! Happy, anyway. He's my best bud—he wouldn't do that to me!"

Erza's eye began twitching again, and I heard the shirtless hunk mutter, "Idiot," as he stalked back to his desk.

"What was tha—" Natsu began, but one glare from Erza shut him right up. His face was crestfallen, a sight that was both sad and so adorable I wanted to smoosh him. Damn, he's really good at the puppy dog eyes. Somehow I know that he'll fool me with them in the future...

"Now go sit down," she said, pointing to an empty desk near the front of the room. Natsu pouted as he stood up, and looked at me and waved sadly before he trudged to his seat. Why must he do those things?! My heart couldn't take it. "And _you_, Gray!"

Oh. So that's his name. Heh...

Gray stopped dead in his tracks, stiff as a rod. "Y-yes?" he whimpered, shirtless back still turned.

"Your clothes!" nearly half of the class chorused, Lisanna included.

"Damn it! Where did my shirt go?!" Gray then ran frantically around the room until he found the dark blue t-shirt that had somehow ended up hanging out of the classroom window. He slipped it over his head and then quickly took his seat.

Just as Erza sat down next to Lisanna, the door opened and in walked Professor Happy and Professor Carla. The talking cats. I refuse to believe it. They _have_ to be robots, or something of the sorts. Just. They HAVE to.

"Erza, would you mind if Lucy-nyan tagged along with us at Lunch?" Lisanna asked the scarlet-haired girl, her smile hopeful.

Erza's eyes suddenly twinkled, a grin spreading across her face. "Why, yes! I would love to get to know you better, Lucy." She seemed completely normal now. Does this girl have split personalities or something? Not that there's anything wrong with that, I'm just genuinely curious.

I smiled shyly at her words, nodding. "Y-you too," I said, looking down at my folded hands in my lap. Why can't I just hold a conversation like everyone else? I always had to look anywhere but them. And then there was the eye-contact. What is wrong with meeeee? (Many things, Lucy. Many, many things.)

"Yay!" giggled Lisanna. "What class do you have before then? Erza and I can pick you up if you want, and we can walk together."

I wasn't sure why they felt the need to, but I appreciated it nonetheless. "AP Calculus," I said.

"We shall escort you accordingly." Erza nodded. Her expression turned serious as the Professors spoke up, turning her full attention to them.

"Alright, class, quiet down—let's take attendance."

**Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ**

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Whelp, looks like dinner's ready! Eido, Ms. Supetto and the other maids have come to get me several times now. I'll continue to the best part when I return, promise!

Feeling hungry,

Lucy

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**~..:Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ:..~**

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**A/N: heyyy. long time no see? ...heh. yeah. i'm really sorry you guys, honestly. it's been such a journey. the past two years of my life have been both the best and worst. i lost all inspiration for writing in general. it became a chore to write and so i sort of just... stopped worrying about it. recently, my aunt past away, and then about a week later so did a family friend. it was probably the hardest thing my family has gone through yet, and that's saying something. but it triggered something in me and all i wanted to do is write. so ever since then i've been trying my best to plan out this story as well as another project i'm working on that i hope to get out sometime this year. **

**i just really want to say thank you. for your support, your kind words, and to all of you that have read and enjoy this story. thank you so much and i am so sorry that it has taken me this long to update. i promise you that from now on this story will not go any more than a few months without an update. ya'll can scream at me if you have to. your encouaging words always bring a smile to my face and it was a big reason as to why i finally finished this chapter. so thank you. so much.**

**also! it would be so greatly appreciated if you could check out my best friend YatoKami16's new story "Advice Needed: See Juvia." it's a crossover of fairy tail and clannad, and i honestly am loving it so far. so please go give it a read and leave her a kind review!**

~CeeCee~


	6. Of First Lunch Dates

**song rec: **Enchanted - Taylor Swift

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**Entry #6:**

_Of First Lunch Dates_

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**Still Tuesday, September 10th.**

Dear Diary—ehem, Journal,

Hello, I'm back! (Who am I talking to?)

Anyway, before I start blabbering on about something insignificant, let's jump right back into where I left off.

**Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ**

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I hid behind Erza and Lisanna as we stepped into the cafeteria, trying to be small and unseen. Lunch time was probably my least favorite activity in school, along with assemblies. Being surrounded by so many people had my heart pumping so fast that it almost hurt. My hands clammed up and I had to especially focus on my breathing, otherwise I forgot to do so all together.

I'd always had a terrible time with crowds. It was most likely because I spent most of my time in my room or wandering around the gardens outside my house after my mom died. I had been home schooled up until a few years ago, when Father forced me to go to the Leadership Academy. It was there that I discovered just how badly it all had affected me. I went from loving the company of others to fearing it. It seems as though there's a constant voice in my head telling me something will go wrong.

I had been glancing off to the side at some particularly rowdy students when Lisanna stopped short in front of me. I crashed into her and my chest met her back, hands grazed her hips, and my lips harshly bumped against the base of her neck.

Oh. My. God.

My face exploded. At least it felt like it. I was positive I was going to pass out. Why. Just. WHY. Why does everything happen to me? I must have the worst luck on the planet. (Actually, that makes a lot of sense now that I think about it.)

I leapt back, putting as much distance between us as I could with all of the people surrounding us. She turned to me, her mouth slightly agape and her cheeks flushed a subtle pink. She stared at me for a moment, and then burst out laughing.

Huh?

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

"There you are," she giggled. "I'm sorry, Lucy-nyan. I was going to turn around and make sure you were still following us since it's so crowded in here. I wasn't expecting you to be so close."

She rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly in the spot my mouth had come in contact, and I felt horrible. It hadn't been intentional, but I was worried that she thought I was some creep that went around kissing people's necks.

Her face softened and she removed her hand from her neck, reaching out for my own hand. I had to steel myself from flinching away from her touch. _It's fine, Lucy_, I had to tell myself. _She's not going to hurt you. Learn to trust._

She guided me until I was standing beside her instead, in between her and Erza. "How about you stand next to us, yeah?" she said with a gentle smile, as if she were trying to comfort me. "Don't look so scared, Lucy. Don't worry about it, really. It was my own fault; I should have made sure you were beside us in the first place. It's so easy to get lost in the crowd here."

Erza nodded her head in agreement. "If these idiots would just _slow down and wait for their turn_—" she growled, sending a death glare to a group of students in front of us who were practically pushing to get ahead of the line. One happened to catch her stare and he squeaked, alerting his friends. "—then this would be a much more pleasant setting."

I had to agree. It seemed as though everyone was in a hurry to get their food and find a seat. So many people were leaving and entering that it made me dizzy. I hadn't even realized so many kids went to this school. How were there so many students?

As if reading my thoughts, Lisanna added, "Yeah, it kind of sucks that we had to take in the students from Sabertooth High, but it was also very generous of Principal Dreyar. I just hope that their school gets fixed up soon because it's just too crowded here now. Although I will miss having Sting, Rogue and Yukino around. Definitely not that Minerva chick though…" she trailed off, her soft features turning into a frown.

Erza nodded solemnly. This "Minerva" even made the fierce Erza worried?

Just who exactly is she…?

"Finally, our turn!" Lisanna sighed with exasperation, referring to the long tabletop of food in front of us. I was surprised all of it wasn't gone. I had the feeling that all of us weren't going to get fed, and in the back of my mind I made a mental note to bring my own lunch from now on.

It was then that I realized my hand was still interlocked with Lisanna's. My breath hitched and I froze, staring down at her hand in mine. It was uncomfortable, yet reassuring. (My own feelings confuse me so much…)

Lisanna noticed where I was staring and she smiled that bright smile of hers and squeezed my hand gently before letting go.

"Ughhh, hurry up!" someone grumbled under their breath behind us. _Impolite!_ I wanted to say, but honestly, I couldn't blame them. I was starving, and as Snickers would say, "You're not you when you're hungry!"

Out of instinct I turned to look at the one who had spoken, and I felt my jaw drop. I quickly closed it and gulped, facing Lisanna again. I prayed that he hadn't seen me glance at him, because he was terrifying. Scarier than Erza, dare I say it.

He was at least a head and a half taller than me, with a waterfall of unbrushed, jetblack hair. His eyes were a piercing blood red (a lot of the kids here sure loved to cosplay—either that or colored contacts must have been a new trend) and he had several piercings along his face. He had also been dressed in nearly all black. I silently wondered if he was a cult leader or something.

No, Lucy, must not judge! Must. Not. Just because his appearance is frightening, doesn't mean his personality is… right? Perhaps the way he dresses is how he best expresses himself, or maybe he admires the style. Either way, as long as he's happy with the way he looks, that's all that matters!

Lisanna bumped my arm with her elbow, and I shook my head to rid of the thoughts. Geez, I space out way too much. I blinked and followed her gaze to the table in front of us. Ugh! People were complaining about not getting food and here I was holding up the line. Classic Lucy.

A woman with auburn hair underneath a hairnet smiled at me, the motion causing crinkles around her caring green eyes. "Good afternoon, dear," she said, and then grabbed a spoonful of the food in front of her. She placed it on my plate with a gross-sounding _splat_. It appeared to be spaghetti with meatballs, but I honestly wasn't sure.

Yup, definitely bringing my own lunch tomorrow.

Erza grabbed a bowl of various fruit, while Lisanna took a chocolate chip cookie. I wanted one myself, but with one glance at the long line of students behind us, I decided to be nice and skip this time around. I could bring some of Eido's cookies, anyway. I had a feeling they were much better.

I grabbed the bowl of fruit and continued down the line, where I could now choose between whole milk, orange juice, and chocolate milk. This sure was a strange arrangement of food. Spaghetti with fruit, cookies, orange juice and milk? Those don't exactly go together.

I wanted to punch myself when I realized with a jolt how snobby I sounded. I guess living in a mansion with servants and a personal chef who made delicious food and arranged it beautifully could do that. I groaned silently and decided that I should be grateful. The woman who served us this lunch put a lot of work into it, and even though it probably wasn't the most… delectable, she deserved some appreciation.

I couldn't hold myself back from grabbing the mini carton of chocolate milk (don't tell anyone, but chocolate milk is my kryptonite), while Lisanna went for the orange juice and Erza reached for the whole milk.

The three of us shuffled to a separate counter, where you payed for your lunch. I shifted my lunch tray carefully to one hand, praying my clumsiness wouldn't kick in, and used my free hand to reach into my school bag. I quickly found my Pokemon-designed wallet (Pokemon is life; I don't care what you think!) and popped open the clasp, finding a few dollars to hand over.

I sighed with relief once I had the tray safely in both hands once again. With how often I embarrass myself, I'm surprised I didn't do just that and drop it.

Lisanna and Erza, having payed before me, then started to walk away, towards a table with the rest of their friends, I assumed. I was quick to follow, however I stopped short when I heard the scary guy that had been behind us growl, "Damn it! My ol' man forgot ta give me lunch money today…"

"I'm sorry, but you cannot eat without paying," the man who manned the counter said, although he didn't sound sorry at all. I felt bad for the cult leader—ah, I mean the raven-haired boy. It wasn't fair for him to go unfed; why couldn't he just bring extra money to pay them back tomorrow? "Sorry emo kid, but scram. You're holding up the line."

I felt the breath leave my lungs. I understood why he would be in a bitter mood—I certainly wouldn't want to work and serve in a cafeteria filled with rowdy teenagers—but that was no excuse to be plain rude.

I puffed my cheeks out and before I knew what I was doing, I marched right over to the man at the counter, smacked my food tray down in front of him, and pulled out my wallet once again. I placed the money into the man's waiting hand, wanting to roll my eyes at the surprised look on his face.

"Aye, blondie, whaddaya doin'?" the piercing-covered boy behind me gruffed.

I jumped at the sound of his voice and, after gathering my things, I carefully turned to look at him. He seemed even scarier than before, an angry look on his face and his fists clenched. Had I made a mistake in helping him? Maybe he didn't like others paying for him, which I understood completely.

"Look, I don't need yer money, blondie. While that was _awfully _nice of ya—" his deep, raspy voice dripped with annoyed sarcasm, "—I don't want yer charity."

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

I shook my head vigorously, and I managed to stutter out, "N-no, it's not ch-charity! I don't expect anything i-in return… really. It's been a stressful day, a-and you shouldn't have to go unfed… B-but if you really don't want me to, I-I'll take my money b-ba—" My eyes widened when he started chuckling. I almost smashed the tray of food I was holding into my face, just as an excuse to hide myself. "Wh-why are you laughing?" I squeaked.

The heavily-pierced teen continued to cackle, before he finally coughed and slammed at his chest, as if trying to get himself to stop. "Didn't mean ta scare ya, blondie. I'll take ya up on yer offer, but you bet yer ass I'll pay ya back."

I blinked dumbly, trying not to stare at him in utter shock. Maybe he really wasn't as scary as he appeared.

I nodded slowly and turned to follow Erza and Lisanna. "Okay. T-take your time, really. No rush."

He frowned but nodded, picking his tray up and shooting one last glare at the man at the cashier. I watched him walk away until he disappeared into the crowd. I sighed in relief.

My gaze returned to Erza and Lisanna, who had both stopped not too far away to wait for me. Lisanna had a look of dumbstruck awe on her face, staring at me with wide eyes. Erza had a soft, although curious, smile on her face. I bit my lip, wondering what had caused those expressions.

Lisanna shook her head, wiping the shocked look off her face and replacing it with that gorgeous grin of her's. "Lucy-nyan!" she breathed, approaching me to throw an arm over my shoulder excitedly and direct me to keep walking forward. "Did that really just happen?"

I felt flustered, not really understanding what she was getting at.

Erza nodded in agreement. "That was quite impressive," she complimented.

"What was?" a voice cut in, and I looked forward to see we were standing in front of one of the many long tables that filled the room. Five people were already sat there, all of whom I recognized as Natsu, Gray, Levy, Loke, and Aries.

They scooted down to make room for us, and Erza sat beside Aries while Lisanna sat across from her, next to Loke. My option was to either sit between Natsu and Levy or go to the opposite side of the table, beside Gray. I considered the latter, but seeing the two's large grins and pleading eyes as they patted the spot between them, I didn't want to disappoint them. Besides, I'd never even spoken to Gray.

I approached the two and sat down, careful not to spill my lunch and stub my toe on the metal bars holding the table up—because I'm Lucy, and I'm clumsy, and that is something that would totally happen to me.

"What was?" Loke questioned once again when the three of us were situated. I had almost forgotten he'd posed the question at all.

Lisanna grinned widely and winked at me. "Lucy-nyan just helped out _Gajeel_ of all people," she started, and I noticed Levy beside me perk up at this, her eyes widening as she glanced between Lisanna and I. "Apparently he didn't have any lunch money and the cashier guy was being a douche, so Lucy marched right on up to him and whipped out a couple dollars and handed it to him. I wish you guys could've seen the look on both of their faces!" she laughed, clapping her hands together. Erza nodded in agreement. "Gajeel was totally dumbfounded, and then he looked angry and I swore he was gonna tear into Lucy-nyan but then, get this—he started _laughing_! And he _thanked _her! I couldn't believe it. I knew there was something special about you, Lucy-nyan. You're freaking awesome."

I blushed as everyone turned their attention to me, mouths agape.

Levy must have noticed my confused expression, because she clasped her hands together in her lap and smiled sheepishly before saying, "You see, Gajeel kinda has a reputation of being a bit of a bully. He doesn't go picking on people for no reason or anything, he's just less than pleasant and uses insults as a defense mechanism…" She released a short laugh. Her face fell a little and after a moment she shook her head as if to rid of her thoughts.

"Y-yes, he can be quite scary… I'm sorry!" cried Aries, dipping her head into Erza's shoulder to hide her face. Her shyness is kind of adorable. If only mine were too.

Loke suddenly had a huge smirk on his face as he said, "Don't worry, princesses, I will save you all from the big bad beast. Your white knight in shining armor awaits yo—" He was cut off when someone's tray slammed onto the end of the table, and I opened my carton of chocolate milk as we all turned to the source.

I almost choked on the liquid as I took a sip of it, as I realized the person who came to sit at the table was none other than Sting. My cheeks colored with embarrassment as well as the mere sight of him. He looked just as good as he did this morning; better, even. His hair had gotten a bit mussed throughout the day, but still held it's slicked back spikiness. I had to force myself to look away in case I started drooling.

_He's not one of your anime characters, Lucy. Calm down…_

But he seriously looked like he could be.

Sting took his seat on the opposite side of me, beside Gray, and said with a winning smile, "Oh Loke, when will you learn that _I_ am the knight in this story? You might cut it as the jester, but certainly not the knight, nor the prince." Loke was about to interject, however Sting quickly changed the subject. "Why were you guys talking about Gajeel anyway? Is he here? I thought he moved during the summer."

Natsu was the one to reply. He threw an arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer to him. I squeaked involuntarily at the gesture. How could he do that so _easily_? "Nah, Pops convinced ol' Metalicana ta stay. But apparently our Looney here is braver than she looks." He waggled his eyebrows at me, setting butterflies free in my stomach.

Sting quirked an eyebrow up, staring me down. "Care to elaborate?" he asked, tearing open his carton of chocolate milk and guzzling it down.

Lisanna took to retelling the story, this time adding far more detail than was necessary. The way she talked me up made me sound way cooler than I actually was. _They will be sorely disappointed once they get to know me_, I couldn't help but think.

Once she was finished everyone turned back to me, the smirk on Sting's face sending shivers down my spine. It was only then that I noticed Natsu's arm was still hanging off my shoulders.

I don't know how much more I can take! I feel like I'm gonna burst like a piñata if this kind of attention keeps being thrust upon me. (That's actually a really disturbing thought…)

"Interesting…" said Sting, with something in his voice that I couldn't quite identify as he continued to stare at me with those mysterious blue eyes. I don't know how to explain it, but the way he looked at me made me want to dig a hole, crawl into it, and never crawl back out. It wasn't malicious, but it wasn't exactly a good feeling either. Mischievous, perhaps?

"Aye, I know that look!" piped in Natsu, his grip on my shoulders tightening, almost protectively. It confused me beyond anything. He pointed an accusing finger at Sting with his free hand and a slight growl emanated from him. "Nuh uh, you punk! Go flirt with the girls from your own school. I'm not lettin' you anywhere near Luigi, so don't even try it or I'll bust yer face in." He said this with a cheeky grin on his face. However, the way he said it was far from cheerful.

My mouth dropped open and I could feel my blush from a mile away. He had been flirting with me? I really must be dense because I hadn't gotten that impression at all.

Lisanna whipped her head towards Sting when she heard this, eyes narrowed. "That's right—I told you to stay away from Lucy-nyan! I don't trust you to not break her heart. You can't even keep a girl for more than a week."

Sting scoffed, rolling his eyes. "C'mon you guys, chill out. I was only kidding. And could you not act as if I'm some sort of monster? I'm cool, blondie, I swear." He winked at me and then started scarfing down his food so fast I swore he was going to choke.

I wanted to interject that he was just as blond, if not blonder than me, but instead I opted to eat my lunch, even if it was less than appetizing.

What was with everyone having their own nickname for me anyway? Is that something people do? I guess Ms. Supetto and I always have, but I didn't realize it was so common.

Natsu finally removed his arm to dig into his own food, even more eagerly than Sting. Erza and Lisanna conversed about what Erza would do when she runs for Student Council president this year. Aries and Levy gushed over a book they'd both read recently. Sting and Loke argued about who was more of a "panty dropper"—their words not mine—out of the two of them. Natsu was too busy stuffing his face to say anything (other than his muffled grunts and snorts).

My eyes wandered to Gray, who had yet to say anything since I arrived. He picked at his food and moved it around more than he actually ate it. Something seemed to be on his mind and I wanted to ask if he was alright, but couldn't bring myself to do so. I didn't want to steer attention towards him either and potentially embarrass him. I couldn't help but wonder though—what had happened between this morning and now for his mood to drop? I hope it wasn't because of me…

He must have felt my stare because he looked up, catching my eyes. I quickly looked away, my cheeks heating. Why do I let myself get in these awkward situations, seriously?

He cleared his throat and I watched from the corner of my eyes as he straightened up, taking a proper bite of his food and then a long gulp of milk.

What was he thinking about?

"So, blondie, now that we're all friends—" Sting started, and my breath hitched as I faced him. Friends…?

My heart fluttered at the word. I would never get used to anyone calling me their friend; nor would I get used to the fact that it was so _easy _for them to do so. All of this time I spent alone, fearing people, keeping my distance because I was scared of being rejected (and maybe I still feel that way, but...). This school, these people with me, make me feel a little less afraid. I'm still a screw up, and I still dread the day that they see me for who I really am; the person that most people hate me for, but maybe it won't be as bad this time—because I actually got to experience friendship and what it feels like to have someone at your side.

"—you should come hang out with us outside of school. It's kinda our tradition. We have our own secret base and everything. It's a bit of a longer walk now, considering our schools are further away than they were in elementary and middle school, but it's not too far," the blond-haired hunk (I meant Sting!) rambled, his elbow on the table and his head resting in his hand.

Levy clapped her hands together in excitement at this. "Yeah! You should definitely come, Lu-chan. There's a smoothie place across the street and they make the _best _smoothies in Magnolia." Her eyes seemed to light up at the thought of it. If this were an anime there would for sure be hearts in her eyes. "And there's also a bookstore about a block away that gets a new stock of novels every two weeks; I never run out of reading material," she giggled.

Gray snorted. "Not everyone is an egghead like you, Levy," he teased, reaching over to steal a piece of fruit from her dish.

Levy pouted and smacked his hand away, harrumphing, "We need more bookworms in this weird friend group of ours! Aries and I can't be the only ones who love literature."

"Not at all," chimed Erza, sliding her glasses up her nose. "Reading textbooks is my favorite passtime."

If real life people were able to sweatdrop, we would have in that moment.

"Eh… Not that kind of literature, Erza-san."

Sting cleared his throat. "_Anyway_, before we get too sidetracked—do you wanna come, blondie?"

All eyes flitted to me once more. Hope was etched on all of their faces. Natsu was literally bouncing in anticipation for my answer, his eyes large and a small pout curling his lips downward. Crap. I can never resist the puppy dog eyes. He looked so sad…

"O-okay," I said slowly, and then realized that this was the first time I'd spoken since sitting down.

Natsu, Levy and Lisanna openly cheered at my response. I was suddenly squashed between Natsu and Levy as they hugged me tightly from either side. My heart stopped and I reminded myself to _breathe Lucy before you turn into a tomato_.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

I couldn't resist the small smile that etched it's way onto my face. I was definitely nowhere near used to touching—but I admittedly loved it. I felt like I actually meant something to somebody during these moments. Even knowing that it most likely doesn't mean much to them at all… I hope they can tell how much it means to me.

It was then that I remembered. My stomach dropped as the thought passed my mind. How could I have forgotten?

Well, easily. I was so caught up in this group of people that it just slipped my mind. I wanted to kick myself. Not only for forgetting, but because now I would have to disappoint them.

I managed to find my voice as they pulled away from me. I stared down at the table; that way I wouldn't have to see their dismay. Or maybe they wouldn't care at all.

I didn't want to see that either.

"A-actually… I guess it slipped my mind, b-but I have some f-family stuff to do after school. I'm so sorry…" I said, glaring at the rest of the food I hadn't eaten. Once again my father has ruined everything.

I cursed at myself for that last thought. I may not have the best relationship with my father, and I may no longer trust him anymore, but I couldn't go around blaming him for all of my problems. Even if they did seem to mostly revolve around him.

"Oh." I nearly cringed at the sound of Natsu's voice, full of dejection. "Well, that's okay, Lary! You can always come tomorrow." I looked up, surprised at his words. He gave me that dazzling grin that made my insides do weird things and then grabbed his chocolate milk and gulped it down.

"Natsu-kun, her name is Lucy-san, not Lary… I'm sorry!" Aries hid slightly behind her closed fists, a light blush playing at her cheeks.

Natsu blinked, shrugging. "Lucy, Lary, same thing."

Gray rolled his eyes, scoffing. "Natsu, Pinkie, same thing," he said in a mocking high-pitched voice.

"You wanna go, sleazebag?!" Natsu stood abruptly, grabbing Gray by the collar of his shirt and yanking him towards himself.

A low growl from Erza made the two freeze.

"Just kidding, bestie!" nervously giggled Natsu as he slowly released Gray's collar. The two sat back down and continued to sweat buckets until Erza looked away. They then shot icy stares and fiery glowers at each other.

It's strange, but they remind me of Tom and Jerry.

"Anyway, Lucy-nyan—" I turned to Lisanna who gave me a soft, reassuring smile. "—don't worry about it, okay? Like Natsu said, you can always come with us tomorrow."

Erza voiced her agreement with a hum. "Besides, I won't be there today because I have violin practice after school. A young, innocent woman such as yourself shouldn't be left alone with these dirty scoundrels." She glared daggers at all of the men at the table, specifically Loke and Sting. "I trust the other girls with them because I've taught them thorough self-defense, and I would like to do that with you too before leaving you in their hands."

Loke grumbled something around the lines of "we're not gonna attack her or something" but clamped his mouth shut at one look from Erza. Sting didn't bother to argue.

I couldn't tell if Erza was being completely serious or just being overly paranoid like I noticed she seemed to be a lot of the time. I didn't question it though. I had been meaning to get self-defense training anyway, so I would gladly accept her offer.

Father will not be happy about it. However, I can't bring myself to care enough about his opinion. As long as he doesn't find out there won't be any issues. He already doesn't like me being here at this school. I think if he knew exactly what went on here he would immediately disapprove.

In a way, that made me love it even more.

Just then the bell rang, signifying the end of lunch. The loud chatter in the room instantly doubled as students stood and tried to make their way out of the cafeteria. It made me wonder why Sabertooth High needed renovations so last-minute. Shouldn't it have been fixed during the summer?

My thoughts were cut off as everyone at our table stood once the majority of students were out of the room. Loke grabbed my mostly-empty tray for me, along with his, flashing me a charming smile as he did so.

"Y-you don't have to do that," I mumbled.

Loke chuckled. "Don't worry, princess, it's a pleasure."

I choked. "P-princess?"

"Quit flirtin' Loke, it's disgusting."

"You're just jealous Gray. You're not handsome enough to charm the ladies like I do."

"Shut _up_ before I punch your face in."

"Even if you did, my beauty would go unharmed."

I watched them disappear around the corner. Their classes must be in the same area. I quickly stood up myself, saying goodbye to Natsu, Lisanna and Aries as we all headed off in different directions.

Erza insisted on escorting me to my next class, so she walked with me to my locker so I could retrieve the textbooks I needed. We parted ways with Sting and Levy at that point, their classes further down the hallway than mine.

"Th-thanks for walking me," I said once we were at my classroom door, suddenly feeling shyer than usual.

Erza paused to look at me. A soft, beautiful smile graced her face and she said in a surprisingly soft voice, "You're welcome. Don't be afraid to ask me for anything. I will do my best to assist you."

I smiled and nodded bashfully, taking a step closer into the classroom. "I will."

Erza looked pleased at this. "I'll see you later, Lucy."

And with that she turned around, walking confidently to wherever her next class was. I hoped she wouldn't be late because of me.

**Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ**

* * *

And here I am now! I'm so happy that I can't even really express it. I have to admit though, writing in here really does help. It feels like I fully process what happens as I write it down, recalling the days events. It's… really therapeutic.

To be honest I'm a little pissed off, though. Father had demanded this morning that I be home and dressed accordingly as some businessmen were supposed to come over and he wanted to introduce them to me. Turns out the whole ordeal was cancelled. I could have gone with the others to their "secret base." I'm not even sure what that means exactly, but I guess I'll have to find out.

My heart skips a beat at that thought. I'm filled with excitement but at the same time my anxiety weighs me down. I almost don't want to go at all. But I really do.

Do you see how confusing it is? I never know which feeling to obey. Anxiousness usually wins, but I wouldn't let it ruin this for me right now.

I still can't even wrap my brain around the fact that I have eight friends now, when only three days ago I had one… My whole life has changed so quickly. And I'm so grateful for it, even if it has been exhausting.

Ugh, I just yawned. Great timing. I better go to bed, even if it's only nine. I haven't had a good night's rest in weeks.

So that's it for today, diary—ehem, journal. I'll be seeing you tomorrow~ (Seriously, I'm getting _way _too used to this.)

Feeling sleepy,

Lucy

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**~..:Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ:..~**

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**A/N: ahhh finally finished this! truth be told i had about 70% of the chapter done a month ago, i was just really stuck on the ending. and life was being mean. but thank you so much for reading! and huge thanks to the lovely videogamenerd101 for looking this chapter over for me! thank you, my dear. [heart.]**

**again, you guys should check out YatoKami16's story "Advice Needed: See Juvia." i'm seriously loving it.**

**please leave me a review, they make me so happy! i love you, my lovely cupcake dawlings. **

~CeeCee~


	7. Of First Outings

**song rec: **Woo Hoo - Mamamoo

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**Entry #7:**

_Of First Outings_

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**Wednesday, September 11th.**

Dear Diary—ehem, Journal,

So I'm currently sitting in front of the school, waiting for Mr. Akatsuki to come and pick me up. I have about forty-five minutes to spare, so I thought I'd write about what's happened so far today.

It's probably been the most fun I've ever had. Just recalling everything now makes a huge, dumb smile spread across my face.

Okay, okay, I'll get on with it—don't want to leave you (who am I talking to?) waiting in suspense!

**Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ**

* * *

I had just stepped out of the front doors of the school when someone grabbed my shoulder, yanking me sideways. I would have screamed if I hadn't recognized the sweet smell of cinnamon-scented pinecones.

I planted a hand on my chest over my heart, willing it to slow. I turned to the grinning face of Natsu, releasing a relieved sigh.

"O-oh, it's just you," I breathed.

"Hiya, Lushee!" the pink-haired boy exclaimed with his usual energy, saluting me. "I told ya I'd find ya easily! Your pretty gold hair was easy to spot!"

I sputtered at this, staring at him with an open mouth, as the compliment had caught me off-guard. I snapped out of it when I felt an arm sling around my shoulder. I looked up to see Loke's sideways grin as he pulled me into him. I stiffened. He was just being friendly, right? Friends did this sort of thing. I think. Either way, I wasn't complaining. It was a really nice feeling…

"Princess," he purred near my ear, sending a shiver down my back, "your prince has arrived."

He was abruptly yanked backwards, a muffled squeal emanating from him as he let go of me before I was dragged along with him.

"Get your filthy hands off of her, you miscreant!" A wild Erza appeared! She wasted no time in glaring at him furiously, grip tightening around the collar of his shirt.

"I-it's f-fine—" I started, but stopped when an arm wrapped around my waist.

Levy giggled beside me, grinning cheesily as she said, "Besides, I think this princess would much prefer another princess to keep her company." She winked playfully, the action causing my cheeks to flush so hot I started sweating. Was she… flirting with me? I don't understand this stuff at all! I'm so awkward, please help!

Levy burst into laughter when she saw my expression and removed her hand from my waist. She was laughing so hard she was practically wheezing and was slapping her thigh repeatedly. Her chortles were so contagious that I couldn't hold my own giggles in any longer and I snorted, reaching up to cup a hand over my mouth as I couldn't control the sounds that were coming from my own body.

This caused the rest of the group to pause and look at us, including Lisanna and Gray, who both happened to arrive right at that moment. After a long moment of silence (aside from Levy and I, as we were still squawking like birds), they too burst into laughter. I'm sure we all looked like absolute freaks, standing in front of the school cackling to the point of tears, but in that moment I didn't care one bit. I hadn't laughed this hard since… I don't even know when. Perhaps before my mother died. Had it really been that long?

Regardless, it felt _so _good. It was like all of the stress was melting from my body; like I had been walking around with a boulder and was finally able to set it down. It was something I hadn't known I needed.

It was a good minute or so when our laughter finally started to subside. We were gasping for breath in between small giggles and wiping at our eyes, trying to calm ourselves (not including Erza and Gray, who both had stayed far more composed than the rest of us).

"What… was so… funny?" Lisanna managed to get out through her giggles as she stood up straighter and fixed her hair. "Geez, I haven't laughed that hard in ages. And I was only laughing because you two were." She pointed at Levy and I. We looked at each other simultaneously. One glance sent us into another fit of laughter.

I don't think I've ever felt this free before. I was always constantly worrying about how I appeared to others, what they thought of me, but right then that was the last thing on my mind. I felt confident in myself for once.

Levy cleared her throat and puffed out a breath, smiling ear to ear. "I was flirting with her and the face she made was priceless." A short laugh escaped her as she thought of it.

"Why does everyone flirt with you?!" cried Natsu, pulling at his dyed pink hair in exasperation. "How am I supposed to protect you from everyone?! That's it Luce, you're gettin' a new look—let's go." I squeaked when he approached me and grabbed my wrist, pulling me towards the sidewalk.

"Possessive much, Natsu?" snorted Gray, a sly smirk on his face.

"Whatever, stripper!"

Lisanna appeared beside us, having lightly jogged to catch up with Natsu and I. She grabbed my free hand and held it firmly in her own. I hadn't noticed until then, but Natsu's hand had slid down from my wrist to my hand. I felt awkward standing between them, both holding onto my hands so casually, like it was no big deal. Perhaps it wasn't.

Lisanna stopped, causing me and Natsu to stop short as she didn't let go of my hand. "Hold on Nat, let's wait for Sting so we can all walk together."

Natsu huffed but complied. Using his unoccupied hand he reached into the pocket of his joggers, pulling out a cell phone. It looked to be one of the newest iFairy models. He tapped at the screen for a few moments and waited. I heard the chime of a received text message and he quickly read it, replied, and placed the phone back in his pocket. "He's stuck in his last class. 'Said some dude started pickin' a fight with him so they were both held back from leaving until they work it out. Do you wanna wait for him or let him catch up?"

He looked to me for an answer, quirking his head to the side. I frowned. Why was he asking me? The others all knew him better than I did, so I didn't feel like it should be my decision whether we waited for him or not.

Levy saved me from having to answer as she, Erza, Gray and Loke approached us. She was bouncing on the balls of her feet as she clapped her hands together excitedly. "Hey, we should go to the bookshop while we wait! He can meet us there! They should have gotten their new stock of books last night."

There were groans from Natsu and Loke, who complained about not wanting to go to a boring book store, but Gray, Erza and Lisanna seemed fine with this. They all looked at me, and it took me a moment to understand what they wanted.

"O-oh… sure? I mean, i-if you guys don't mind, I would really l-like to check it out," I said sheepishly, wanting to nervously wring my hands together, but they were busy at the moment.

Levy squealed at this, pulling out her own phone as she did. "I'll have to ask Aries if there's anything she wants me to get her. She can't come with us today because she tutors on Wednesdays."

I had been wondering if she was going to come or not. It was a shame she couldn't, but I was sure she'd be able to another time.

"Also text Sting and let him know where we'll be," inserted Natsu as we all began to walk forward again.

Levy nodded and typed at lightning speed. It amazed me how fast she maneuvered her fingers across the screen. I wouldn't have a single clue on how to work it, as I've never had a cellphone. I guess that's kind of strange, thinking about it now, because my family is rich and most rich people have things like that. But I simply have never needed one. The only person I would talk to with it is Ms. Supetto and a few of the other servants on occasion.

Although I guess that isn't completely true anymore. Now that I have more friends, more people to talk to, maybe a cellphone would be a good thing—that way we could talk outside of school.

Father would say I'm a fool if I told him that, though. If I asked for one he would probably be suspicious as to why. It's not that he doesn't want me to have friends—I just know that he would disapprove of the ones I've made here at Fairy Academy. It's better to keep him out of it.

There I went, zoning out again. I blinked hard when someone's hand waved in front of my face, snapping out of it.

"Anyone in there?" Loke grinned, poking my cheek. Without really thinking about it I turned my head and opened my mouth, attempting to lightly bite his finger. He yanked his hand back and laughed, shaking his head. "How unlady-like of you, Princess."

My face fell when he said this, my mind wandering to places I wanted to forget.

I shook my head and did my best to act as if nothing was wrong, sticking my tongue out at him. I wasn't sure where this playful side of me was coming from, but I kind of liked it.

I noticed we were standing outside of a charming, cottage-like building. It reminded me of something out of a fairy tale. Which was ironic, because the name on the sign that hung off the building read "Fairy Tail ~ Books and Things" in fancy script lettering.

Levy wasted no time in approaching the open door. Lisanna and Natsu dropped my hands as we had to walk single-file into the building. I missed the feeling and wanted to reach out again once we were inside, but the move just felt so awkward and forward coming from me. I wasn't used to people touching me, let alone me touching them.

The interior of the shop was absolutely adorable. As expected, there were many shelves filled to the brim with books, but said bookshelves were all painted beautifully in a variety of colors and patterns. It looked as though each shelf was painted to match the genre of books they held. The first row of shelves was the Sci-Fi section, and so the shelves there were painted darker shades of green, blue and purple and depicted paintings of chibi-like aliens and spaceships, and of course flying cars.

The walls were also painted. Each side of the room was made to represent the different seasons; a spring sunshower, a peaceful summer's day, a crisp autumn evening, and a quiet winter's night.

I looked up and noticed the ceiling was painted into a galaxy. It was so gorgeous that I wished I could meet the artist and thank them for creating something so beautiful.

It was almost all too much, as there were so many colors surrounding me and so much to look at, but at the same time that was what I really loved about it. It felt like you could come here and stay for hours and never get tired of admiring the artwork.

In the far back corner there was a spiral staircase that led to a second floor that was much smaller than the first. I couldn't see it very well from where I stood, but I assumed that's where they keep the "Things" mentioned on the sign outside.

There were also various couches, chairs and beanbags spread across the room for people to sit and read (or take a nap, as I saw two people doing), and I hadn't noticed until then, but there was a soft symphony playing throughout the speakers. It really was a tranquil setting. I could see myself bringing my laptop here and writing for hours.

"She _is_ a bookworm!" cried Natsu, and I resisted the urge to shush him for being so loud. "She has freakin' hearts in her eyes. What is it with girls and books?! What is so great about them?"

Looking back on it now, I have no clue how I mustered up the courage to say this, but once I started I couldn't stop: "Well, everything! You can do absolutely anything you desire with a book. You can write about mystical lands with dragons and magic, and create characters that can be whoever you wish them to be, and you can convey so many feelings just from a few sentences on a piece of paper. Not only are they fun to write, but they're even better to read; it's like being transported to wherever the novel is set and seeing the story through someone else's eyes and just… yeah, books are great."

There was a stunned silence and I froze, internally screaming. Had I _really_ just said that? Outloud? To somebody other than myself? I sounded like the hugest nerd on the planet. But, wait… I hadn't stuttered! Not even once! And I always stutter! But did my breakthrough seriously have to be me ranting about books? Okay, I'm so done with myself.

"You're full of surprises, Lucy," Erza spoke for the first time in a while, a knowing smile on her face.

Levy beamed, her expression so bright it was almost blinding. "I knew you were hiding something! And—wait, is Lu-chan a writer?!" Her her hands clasped together in front of her face as she squealed. "No way, you _have_ to let me read your stuff! I bet you're amazing."

My face felt hot and I started to shake my head, but was thankfully cut off by a familiar voice.

"Glad I didn't bother runnin' over here. I knew you guys would still be here," said Sting as he neared us. Instead of meeting us where we stood he went to a nearby chair and collapsed in it, school bag falling to the floor. "Don't mind me, I'm just gonna take a nap since we'll probably be here for an hour. G'night."

Natsu and Loke ended up lounging on the other chairs too, while Lisanna, Erza, Levy, Gray and I browsed the area.

Time flew by before I even realized it. Levy and I talked about our favorite romance novels, and promised that we'd exchange them to each other. Erza took the time to show me the best books for studying that covered more material than our high school's books did, as well as her favorite medieval-esque novels. Lisanna has a love for children's books (apparently she hopes to write and illustrate one someday and publish it), and so she showed me a few that she really loved. The art inside was absolutely adorable and so soft, yet bright at the same time. Kind of like Lisanna.

I hadn't talked to Gray much, but I noticed that he mostly stayed in the Sci-Fi section. It surprised me to see him there, as just yesterday he had been complaining that Levy was an egghead. Perhaps he wasn't an avid reader, just an occasional one.

By the time those of us who were purchasing books had done so, an hour had passed, just as Sting had guessed. I ended up walking out of the shop with a bag full of six novels. I couldn't wait to read them all.

"That place was amazing," I mumbled happily to myself as the door closed behind us.

Natsu yawned loudly and stretched his limbs, and after the fact he draped an arm over my shoulders. "Now that _that's _finally over, can we pleeeeeaaassseeee show you the base now?" he whined. "You'll really like it! And we can get smoothies too—"

"No smoothies until you have your homework for the night finished," sternly stated Erza as she adjusted her backpack on her shoulder so that she could better carry the books she had just bought.

"_But_—"

"No."

Natsu huffed, defeated. "Okaaaay, fine. C'mon, let's get goin' already." He ushered me forward, arm still around me.

The eight of us walked about a block or so when Natsu suddenly came to a halt next to an alleyway between two buildings. I looked down it, feeling myself shiver. Even during the daytime, with the sun high and bright in the sky, the alleyway was heavily shadowed.

Natsu led the way, tugging me with him. I felt the muscles in his arm against my neck and tried not to squirm, my heart rate speeding up by the second.

At the very end of the alley was an old, rusted door with a "Welcome" mat on the ground in front of it. Natsu had to remove his arm from my shoulders to reach into his backpack, retrieving a dark red key and inserting it into the keyhole. He twisted the door open once it was unlocked and returned the key to his bag and then stepped in, gesturing for me to do the same.

The first thing that hit my senses was the strong scent of coffee. I breathed in deeply, quite liking the overpowering smell.

An overhead light switched on, and my jaw dropped once my eyes adjusted. The place was completely decked out. Fairy lights adorned the walls, although switched off, and where there weren't fairy lights there were posters of bands, book covers, movies and even places around the world, along with photos of the group together.

A black leather couch sat in the center, facing toward the wall, where a small TV sat on a mahogany entertainment center. I only recognized a few of the several gaming systems that were on the shelves. On either side of the entertainment center were two bookshelves, one completely filled to the brim with books and the other of DVD's, CD's and video games.

A large red and black rug with curly designs sat on the floor between the couch and the TV, covering the pristinely polished, tan tile floors. A mahogany table with several drawers was placed on the center of the rug.

In the right corner at the back of the room was a countertop with a sink, four cabinets above it, and two more cabinets underneath the sink. A small refrigerator-freezer was placed next to it, and on the opposite end was a dishwasher.

Lastly, near the entrance where we stood, there was a corner that led to a short hallway and another door—the bathroom, I assumed.

"W-wow," I breathed, my eyes scanning over the room a second and a third time. I wasn't sure what exactly I had been envisioning their base to be, but it definitely wasn't this. It felt cozy and lived-in; Sting hadn't been lying when he said it was a tradition to come here together.

"Had a feeling you would like it, blondie." Sting smirked smugly as he dropped his backpack on the floor near the door, the action bringing most of the others to do the same.

We all moved to the living room, everyone finding a seat. I ended up in a beanbag chair with Levy, and she soon after whipped out one of the several novels she had purchased and began reading it avidly. I was a little uncomfortable sitting so close to her, but she didn't seem to mind, so I tried my best to relax. It wasn't hard, as the blue hair-dyed girl had a peaceful aura to her made what would typically be an awkward silence feel perfectly normal.

I sat there for a few minutes, simply observing everyone. Erza and Gray were in a heated debate over what kind of cake was more superior—strawberry cheesecake or vanilla ice cream cake. Natsu, Lisanna and Loke were arguing over which channel to watch on TV.

I was about to reach into my school bag and grab my homework when Sting leant forward from his position on the couch, elbows resting on the arm of the couch to look down at me. After a few moments of what seemed to be hesitation, he finally said lowly, "You know, you fit in with us really well. Not gonna lie, I was kinda skeptical of you when these three first brought you up—" He gestured to Erza, Lisanna, and Levy. "—but that was dumb of me, because those weirdos don't take easily to people. You managed to make a great impression on them in such a short amount of time, and now after meeting you properly I understand it."

I couldn't resist the smile that spread across my face at hearing this. My cheeks felt hot and I reached up to adjust my glasses on the bridge of my nose, hoping I appeared less flustered than I was, but that was unlikely.

It makes me so unbelievably happy. Being with them makes me feel like I've finally found where I belong, even if it all is still so new to me. Knowing that they may possibly feel the same way, after so long of being rejected… It's undescribable, the warmth that fills my entire being at the very thought.

Sting smiled, a smile so soft and genuine that my insides fluttered. How does he go from being so smug and—dare I say it—sexy, to quiet and adorable in the blink of an eye? "I hope to get to know you better, blondie." He winked, the soft smile curling up into his signature side grin. See?! He did it again!

"U-um, yeah, me too," I sputtered, plastering on a cheesy smile. He laughed and swept a hand through his luscious blond locks before turning back to Natsu, who had just wrestled the remote away from Lisanna. Sting plucked the object right out of his hands as the pink-haired boy was too busy boasting to realize. I giggled at this and watched as Sting calmly changed the channel to a kid's network, which had me confused for a moment, until everyone became silent and I saw the looks on their faces at the talking puppets on screen.

In that moment I really wished I had a camera.

**Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ**

* * *

"_Erzaaa_, I finished all of my homework—can Luce and I _please_ go get a smoothie now?"

Erza rolled her eyes and flicked her long, scarlet hair over her shoulder. There was a pregnant pause as she stared him down, eyes hardened and face unreadable. I don't understand how she survives Natsu's puppy dog eyes; one look at me with those deep onyx gems and I can't say no.

A fond smile grew on Erza's face and she slowly nodded. "Okay, go. But you're paying this time, and I would like one myself."

Natsu "whooped!" and threw his arms around the older girl in a brief hug before backing off, giving a thumbs up. "No prob! What flavor?"

"Hm… I'm in the mood for the Hawaiian Paradise." Natsu nodded and pulled out his phone, and I watched over his shoulder as he clicked on the Notes app and typed in her order, presumably so he wouldn't forget.

"I want Peaches 'n Cream!" Sting called from his position on the couch, where he was furiously pressing the buttons on a gaming controller. His tongue stuck out in concentration and his eyebrows were furrowed. It was kind of cute.

I blushed at that thought and quickly shook it off.

"Gray, you _have _to get their newest drink," said Lisanna, nudging the raven-haired boy as he stared at his phone. "Get this—it's called the _Flu Buster_. And your last name is _Fullbuster_." She threw her head back in a laugh, and Loke and Sting snorted, while Natsu outright laughed along with Lisanna. Gray choked, this furthering the white-haired girl's mirth.

"Kinana did that on purpose, didn't she?" he groaned. "...What's in it?"

"I believe it's papaya, strawberry and banana," answered Erza, as Lisanna was still failing to contain her giggles.

"Doesn't sound bad. I'll try it."

Lisanna wiped a stray tear and grinned. "Gee, I crack myself up. Anyway, Nat, I'll take the Cocoberry Flip, please."

"Banana Split," Loke said absentmindedly.

"_Guys_, I can't pay for all of this!" Natsu cried, yet nonetheless recorded the orders into his phone.

"I can pay for it," is what I wanted to say. I can't risk them asking questions about me; if they saw how much money I have stuffed in my little Pokemon wallet, they would definitely be suspicious. Instead, I piped, "I-I can contribute. I get m-my allowance tomorrow, so it isn't r-really a big deal."

Natsu's expression brightened. "Thanks Lucy! You're the best." He gave my head a gentle pat.

"Y-yeah, no problem." At least I was useful for something.

"I think I'll tag along as well," interjected Levy, setting the half-read novel down in her lap. "You guys are going to need help carrying everything back, plus I could use some fresh air."

"Alright, I'm all fired up! And _starving_." As if to confirm this, Natsu's stomach released a loud, almost inhuman growl. I giggled at the sound and he smiled sheepishly, while everyone else either rolled their eyes or simply ignored it. I had the feeling this was normal of the pink-haired boy.

With that, the three of us piled out of the building and crossed the street, to a small, green building with tables and chairs sitting out front. In bold, lit-up orange lettering plastered on the building read, "Smooth Moves Café." Punny!

The inside was simple, like something I'd seen in an anime; white walls with posters of items from their menu, booths and tables, grey tiled floors, and a red counter where you ordered. I nearly squealed when my ears tuned into what was playing through the speakers—it was Jenny Realight! If only Lisanna were here.

There were about a handful of other customers in the shop, some sitting at tables and others ordering. I nearly froze in my spot when I spotted the head of waist-length, deep Russian violet hair. _Is that really who I think it is…?_ I thought to myself, and was confirmed when the person turned around. Intimidating cyber-yellow eyes flashed in our direction.

Rylee Trace.

I watched as a smile illuminated her features when her eyes found Natsu. I noted how the genuine smile made her face so much softer, more delicate, compared to her usual sharp and stoic expression. She was beautiful either way, but that simple change made her all the more stunning.

Behind the tall girl stood two others, one with mid-back honey blonde hair, and the other with incredibly long fire red hair. I recognized the first to be Evergreen Akina; she's a sophomore and we share AP Calculus together. I wasn't sure about the third girl, but it was safe to assume that it was Flare, the girl in the bathroom the other day with Rylee and Evergreen.

Rylee turned to her friends and said something to them, and then a moment later she was approaching us, her friends taking a seat in a nearby booth. I hadn't realized until then that I had absentmindedly shuffled behind Levy and Natsu, peeking between their shoulders. Ugh, I hate being shy.

"Natsu!" greeted Rylee, her deep tone lighter than I had ever heard it. "Hey. I was hoping I'd run into you here. I forgot my phone at home."

I couldn't see Natsu's face from where I stood, but I could imagine the large grin that spread across it. "Yo! What's up? We haven't hung out in a while. You still up for Friday night?"

Rylee's expression fell a little. "That's actually what I need to talk to you about. My mom didn't bother to tell me until this morning that she's going out of town for the weekend. I'm not sure if I'll be able to make it Friday."

"Aye, it's no problem, but you better be there next week," chuckled Natsu.

"Of course." Rylee smiled again, but when her eyes trailed to Levy and I, it slowly fell. "Oh, I'm so rude—I didn't even see you there. Sorry if I intruded." I couldn't tell whether she was being sarcastic or not. The way she said it sounded a little off to me.

I must have been imagining it, because Levy shook her head and gave the girl a reassuring smile. "Don't worry about it."

Rylee nodded and her eyes trained on me again, this time lingering. I felt completely awkward. Not to mention the stare felt all too familiar. She looked normal on the outside, but I could see the flash of annoyance and disdain in her eyes. "And who is this?" Her tone was airy and friendly, but the look in her eyes told me otherwise. She may not know my name, but she knew who I was. I wasn't sure why she was playing this game.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

"Oh! This is Lucy. She's awesome, you'll like her," said Natsu, and I nearly jumped out of my skin when he threw an arm over my shoulders and pulled me from behind him and Levy so I was standing between them. "She's in our Homeroom."

I tried not to quiver when I saw Rylee's eye twitch. _Bad move, Natsu. _The last thing I wanted was to piss her off.

It surprised me when a sudden grin played at her mouth, and I gulped. I wasn't sure what she was thinking, and that freaked me out all the more.

"Well I look forward to getting to know you, Lucy," Rylee said smoothly, and if I didn't know any better I would have believed her.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

Her cyber-yellow eyes finally left me, returning to Natsu. "Anyway, I should go. Me and the girls wanted to do some shopping."

"Okay!" Natsu beamed, waving the purple-haired girl off. "See ya at school, Ry. Have fun. Oh, and tell Ryker to give me my freakin' scooter back already!"

Rylee chuckled, low and goosebump-inducing. "Will do." And then the tall girl left, her friends not long behind.

I released the breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding, relaxing into Natsu's side.

"Hey Lu, you alright? You seem stressed," commented Levy, eyebrows furrowed in concern.

I straightened up and tried to smile. "Y-yeah, I'm fine. Just a little n-nervous." I'm glad that I had been with them, because I'm not ready for a confrontation with Rylee yet. Or ever.

She nodded sympathetically, patting my back.

"Man, we shoulda ordered when we came in, 'cause now we gotta wait even longer." Natsu pouted and pulled his phone out of his back pocket, unlocking it—I may have accidentallysortoflearnedhispassword...oops—and returned to the screen with the list of our orders. We went to the counter and were greeted by a young woman with short, bluish-purple hair and bright green eyes. Her nametag read "Kinana."

She smiled politely and adjusted the black cap on her head with the shop's name on the front. "Hey there Natsu, Levy, what can I get for you today?" Her eyes focused on me and her smile brightened. "I'm sorry, I don't think I've seen you around here before."

I was a little caught off guard by how open and personal she was. When I attend restaurants with my father, the people whom served us were always aloof and reticent. It was a pleasant change. "A-ah, yeah, I-I'm Lucy," I said hesitantly, wringing my hands together anxiously.

"Well I'll tell you what, Lucy—since this is your first visit and you're friends with Natsu and Levy here, your order's on the house," said Kinana, winking.

My jaw nearly dropped and I shook my head furiously. "N-no! That's okay, r-really, I'll pay for it."

Kinana raised her eyebrows in surprise and released a chuckle. "Wow, I've never had a customer turn down a free drink. This one's a keeper, Natsu."

Natsu grinned down at me and slid his arm from my shoulders to my waist. My heart fluttered and I felt my face explode into a blush. "Yeah, she is," he cackled, poking my side teasingly. "Anyway, we got a big order today—think you can handle it?"

"Hit me with your best shot," Kinana laughed.

Natsu read off everything on the list, and then ordered himself a smoothie called Lava Flow, which consisted of strawberries and virgin piña colada. Levy ordered water and a blueberry muffin. I chose the Bango Bash smoothie, made of bananas and mangos, and Kinana insisted once again that my drink would be on the house.

Natsu payed for half of the order, and Levy and I split the other half. I was happy that I could contribute, especially when my drink was free.

The thankful smile on Natsu's face made it all the more worth it.

**Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ**

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A movie and intense game of Monopoly later, Erza suggested we all go home, as the sun was beginning its descent. I hadn't even realized.

I knew Mr. Akatsuki, my driver, was probably beginning to pull his hair out at this point. I had convinced him and Ms. Supetto to let me go with Natsu and the others, with the promise that we would be safe and I'd call Mr. Akatsuki to pick me up before sunset.

I was surprised that they agreed as easily as they did. I think that they want me to have friends even more than _I_ want me to have friends, which is saying something. Still, I'm really grateful for the fact that they let me go out. It could possibly mean losing their jobs if Father found out, which is exactly why I can't make this a habit.

Natsu, Erza, Sting and I paused once we reached the front of Fairy Academy, having parted ways with Gray, Levy, Lisanna and Loke at the base, as they lived in the opposite direction. "I would feel better if I could walk you home, Lucy," Erza said, pushing her bangs out of her face. "It's getting late, and I don't want you walking by yourself."

Crap. Crapcrapcrapcrap. I needed to come up with an excuse, and quick. I couldn't allow her to walk me home, because for one it would be a two hour walk, and secondly—

"I wanna see where you live!" exclaimed Natsu with his usual grin.

—that. I _can't_ let them see where I live. It would instantly give away who I really am. I can't let them figure that out. To them, I'm not Lucky Lucy Heartfilia. I'm just… Lucy. And I'm not ready to lose that. If only just a little longer, I would like to stay like this.

"Dude, do you realize how creepy that sounds?" piped Sting as he typed something into his phone.

Natsu quirked an eyebrow, shrugging.

I inhaled deeply and wracked my brain for an excuse as they stared, waiting for my response. "W-well… um, thank you for the offer, you guys, b-but a friend is actually going to pick me up here. I l-live a little further away, s-so…"

"Then we shall wait with you until your friend arrives." Erza said this proudly, and I refrained from groaning in frustration. I should have figured.

"N-no, it's okay. I'll be fine, I promise. I-I don't want to hold you up." _Please just let it go..._

Erza contemplated this for a long moment. "Well, if you insist. My strawberry cheesecake is due at my doorstep any minute now, and I don't want some punk to steal it, so I guess I should be there when it arrives…" Her expression turned much darker as her mind was most likely imagining the scenario of her cake being stolen. If I had learned anything crucial about Erza in the three days I'd known her, it was to not come between her and her cake.

"Y-yeah, that would be awful," I said. I was treading on a thin line here; I needed to play my cards right. "You should r-really go check on it… What if someone is stealing it right now?!"

Erza's eyes widened and I barely heard the horrified gasp that escaped her lips before she took off running, presumably in the direction of her home. That was actually easier than I thought.

"I should get going too," reluctantly interjected Sting, "I'm already late in meeting up with Rogue and Yukino."

Natsu nodded and looked back at me, his face surprisingly serious. "You sure you'll be okay? Your friend will be here soon, right?"

Our eyes locked, and I watched as the fire within his sparked. I could only stand to look into them for a few seconds because the intensity was overwhelming. I had trouble making eye contact with anyone, but Natsu was an entirely different subject.

I answered his questions with a nod and a smile. Natsu seemed satisfied enough with this and pulled me into a brief hug. My breath caught, but I managed to hug him back before he pulled away.

Sting went in for a one-armed hug, squeezing me to him playfully. I giggled and he stepped back, ruffling my hair. "Stay safe, blondie."

"Y-you too."

I watched as the two disappeared around the corner. I sighed deeply, relieved the situation had gone my way.

I looked up at the sky and frowned, noticing the dark clouds that were rolling in. It was probably going to rain. I wouldn't normally mind, as I actually love the rain, but I didn't want my novels to get wet and I didn't have an umbrella.

There was a payphone across the street, and I used it to call Mr. Akatsuki. I hoped that he would get here before the storm hit, but that was unlikely. If I needed to I could go to the front doors of the school, where I would be protected from the rain. I crossed the street once again and sat on the bench, releasing a puff of air, and decided to pull out my diary—ehem, journal, and—

**Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ**

* * *

Ohmygod, I think I just heard someone scream? I don't know, holy crap… What if someone's in trouble?

That's it, I just heard it again. And someone crying, "Please… please stop…" This is freaking me out. I need to go. I can't just sit here.

Feeling alarmed,

Lucy

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**~..:Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ:..~**

* * *

**A/N: guys! today is the freaking two year anniversary of this story! it's so weird to think about. i just want to say a huge thank you to all of the people who have read this story from the beginning and to the people who are only just finding it now. i appreciate each and every one of you, and i hope that you will continue to stick with this story in the future. i love you, my lovely cupcake dawlings.**

**funfact: my dad is the one who came up with the name "Smooth Moves" for the smoothie shop. thanks dad! XD**

~CeeCee~


	8. Of First Storms

**song rec: **Let the Flames Begin - Paramore

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**Entry #8:**

_Of First Storms_

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**Technically Thursday, September 12th.**

Dear Diary—Ehem, Journal,

I'm currently hiding in my bathroom at three in the morning to write this. I don't know if I can wait any longer—I _need_ to get this out.

Part of me wants to believe this entire day was all a dream. It was too surreal.

My life has gone from being a rollercoaster to a total and utter trainwreck in a matter of days. I never thought in the slightest how my life would change the day I stepped through Fairy Academy's front doors.

And, somehow, despite it all, I don't regret it for a second.

Anyway, I guess I'll pick up from where I left off. Don't want to leave you hanging. (Who am I talking to?)

Here goes.

**Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ**

* * *

With one last look at the darkening sky above me, I dropped my bags and ran. I don't know what came over me, but there was this sudden urge to just go, to _do_ something. Where this came from, I might never know.

I followed the length of the school building, slowing my pace. My insides rattled, but I ignored the feeling and pressed forward. The cries had come from somewhere behind the school, where the football and track field are located. Unless they were hidden behind a tree, I would spot the person easily.

I stopped short before I could round the corner and sucked in a shaky breath to prepare myself for whatever I was about to see. I prayed that it would all be a misunderstanding. I perked my ears up and listened for the voice again. Perhaps I had been wrong—or I was too late.

But then I heard it: A man's voice, low and guttural, "We told you what would happen if you came here. You should have listened, bitch." There was a loud smack and someone cried out, so quietly I almost hadn't heard it. I steeled myself from a shudder.

"After this you won't even _think _about defying Phantom Lord again," a girl hissed, dry and raspy.

My jaw clenched and my fingernails dug into the palms of my hands. I hadn't realized until then how fast my heart was racing, to the point that it hurt inside of my chest, and I struggled to breathe.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

I screamed at myself to move, but when I tried, I only slumped further against the wall of the school. My legs shook. I was paralyzed.

_No, not now…_

"_Hah! Look at you. Fucking pathetic."_

I sputtered, whirling around so fast that I felt a distinct _pop _in my knees, but no one was there. It had sounded real, like the person had been right there with me. I shook my head, the panic rising within me. _Focus, Lucy_, I told myself. They weren't there. They're gone.

I sucked in a deep breath and held it. I willed for a burst of courage. I asked questions I already knew the answer to: Could I stand by and do nothing? Could I let this person be bullied, just as I was?

No way in hell.

"Stop!" I screamed before I could lose my nerve and whipped around the corner, my wide eyes landing on the scene that splayed out in front of me. There was a girl sitting on the ground, curled into herself. Her long, wavy, ocean blue hair was tangled near the ends and her pale, delicate hands covered her face as she cried silently.

In front of her stood three others. A boy with messy ear-length brunet hair, a girl with straight chin-length golden hair and three eyebrow piercings, and another girl with elbow-length flaming orange hair. They bore the same uniform; a dark purple blazer over a black camisole, a pleated skirt in the same purple—aside from the boy, who wore corduroys—and black knee-high socks with white flats. Over the breast pocket of their blazers was a logo in the shape of an eye with a curling design underneath it. _Creepy_.

The world around me slowed. The bullies half-turned to me, their mouths agape, and the girl on the ground looked at me warily through her fingers.

My shaking hands curled into fists and I rose them to a defensive stance. My breath was ragged as if I'd run a marathon, heart beating so hard in my chest that it burned.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

And then the world sped back up all at once, the boy suddenly stepping closer to me. He leered in a way that sent shivers down my spine. "Well, well, looks like a little _fairy _came to play with us, ladies," he snickered. The girls copied his expression, and I had to look away. I know that look far too well.

And then they lunged.

My throat completely closed off as the boy grabbed me by my shoulders, yanking me towards him. I tried to pull away, I tried to scream, but the panic I'd been suppressing burst from me and then I was _there_ again—

"_Look at you, trying to be all brave. How cute!"_

"_It disgusts me. Learn your place, rat." A hard slap sent stabbing tingles into my cheek, and I bit my lip to contain the sob that threatened to escape me. What did I do to deserve this? Why does everyone hate me? Why…?_

"_Please do us all a favor, and go jump off a cliff or something."_

"_Hah, I'd like to see her try."_

_Maybe I will._

"What the hell? What the fuck is wrong with this chick?! All I did was touch her!" The voice echoed through my ears so loud that my head panged. My eyes were screwed shut, but I couldn't remember closing them in the first place. And—wait, was I on the ground?

"Who cares? She's clearly delusional! Just get her out of the way. We ain't done with this traitor yet."

There was a grunt. I managed to crack one eye open, but my vision was clouded by tears. "I don't know, 'Liv, she looks like she's gonna go full-on psycho if I touch her again," the brunet said.

"What, you gonna let a little _fairy _scare you? She's harmless. Now fucking move her!"

"O-okay…"

It wasn't until then that I realized I had been holding my breath. I sucked in a large gulp of air, coughing so hard I thought I might throw up.

Hands seized me around my waist, and I was lifted up and thrown over a bony shoulder. I shrieked, but no sound came out. I was slipping away again.

"_Oh, Lucy… If only you were stronger." The girl in front of me smirked, looking down her too-perfect-to-be-natural nose at me. She'd singled me out in the hallway and pushed me into a nearby bathroom for the third time that week._

_A crippling anger swept over me, an anger that I didn't know existed inside of me. I was so fucking _tired _of letting her and her lackeys push me around. I couldn't stand it any longer._

"_I _am _strong," I heard myself saying. My knees shook as I stood up, and tears still streamed down my face, but I held my ground._

_And then I lunged for her. My fist connected with her too-perfect nose. I felt it crack beneath my knuckles._

_It all faded to black._

My eyes forced themselves open, but the remnants of the scene lingered in my vision. Was that just a hallucination or… or a memory?

Why can't I remember?

I shook my head furiously, biting the inside of my cheek. _Focus, Lucy! _"Put me down!" I screeched. I pounded my fists on his back, but he refused to drop me. "Let me go!"

"What she said," a new voice piped in.

The boy stopped short, and it was all I needed. With a swift kick at his stomach, he howled and dropped me. I nearly lost my balance and fell over, but I managed to catch myself.

"Go, get Juvia out of here! I'll take care of these guys," the same voice from before said. A hand gripped my wrist, pulling me away from the brunet. I flinched, but didn't fight against them. They were helping—something that I, apparently, couldn't do.

I opened my mouth, but couldn't think of anything to say. The person's hand held firmly in mine. It was comforting, but at the same time I wanted to let go. My head was swimming.

We stopped next to the girl, Juvia, who was still seated on the ground, her eyes squeezed shut. The person dropped my hand and turned to face me, allowing me to get a proper look at them. It was a girl, one that I recognized. Her, along with Juvia, are in my Homeroom. She has hip-length, pretty auburn hair and a tan complexion, and her eyes are a deep blue. They almost appeared to be purple in the last remaining light in the sky, but I couldn't be sure.

"Wh-what are you—" I started.

"I'll be fine," the girl—Cana, I remembered—interrupted. "Neither of you are in good positions to fight right now. I don't know how far these idiots are willing to take it." All I could manage was a nod, and she nudged me behind her, blocking my view of the others.

I stepped closer to Juvia and carefully wrapped a shaking arm around her waist, lifting her to her feet. Silent tears rolled down her cheeks and my heart ached, seeing her so broken. I wondered if that's how I looked, back then…

There was a sudden clap of thunder, so loud that at first I thought it was a firework. But the downpour of rain that soon followed confirmed that the storm had, in fact, hit.

"Shit, this is worse than I thought…" Cana gritted her teeth and turned back to the bullies. I peeked around her shoulder. The girl with the eyebrow rings looked furious, her fists clenched at her sides and her teeth bared into a sneer. The orange-haired girl beside her had her arms crossed and was gazing at us guardedly, but otherwise felt harmless to me. The boy was glaring daggers.

I turned my attention back to Cana, who pulled something out from the back pocket of her shorts and called over her shoulder to me, "Go now. This won't take me long. I'll catch up, alright? For now just find some place out of the rain."

I hesitated. This didn't feel right.

"Go!"

"Be careful," I whispered, and then rounded the corner, Juvia close beside me.

"We aren't done with you yet, you freak!" the boy screamed. Juvia shuddered against me.

"Listen here, punk, you've made a big mistake in coming here and messing with _my _fam—" Another clap of thunder drowned out Cana's fading voice as we got closer to the front of the school. The rain was too loud and we were too far away to overhear anything else.

I guided Juvia to the front doors of the school, where we were safe from the rain. I helped her sit on the concrete floor, and was about to slide down next to her, when I remembered my bags that I'd left on the bench.

"I'll be right back, o-okay? I left my th-things over there," I told Juvia. She sniffled and nodded, but didn't look at me.

I was relieved to find them still on the bench. My schoolbag had been on top of my books, so they remained dry. I returned to Juvia's side and slid down the wall to the ground a few feet away from her, releasing a shaky sigh. It all had happened so fast and my mind was racing to the point that I felt nauseous.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

What was I going to do? I was completely _useless_ back there. I had wanted to help Juvia, to save her from having to go through what I did, but instead I only got in the way. I'm so _stupid_. Why did I have to go back to that place? Why can't I just forget about it? About _them_?

They are always there, hovering over me. They wait for the perfect moment to strike, to tear me down. No matter how hard or fast I run, they catch up, as if I hadn't moved at all. Their taunting voices echo through my brain. I can feel their hands on me. I could scrub my body clean for hours, and it will never rid of the dirty feeling they left behind.

It's pointless. All of it.

I'll be like this forever. I'll never escape. I'll never get over it. Why do I even try? Why did I think I could come here and everything would be okay? I'm so naïve, so…

A loud sniff shook me from my thoughts. I blinked hard, my eyes refocusing on the wall. Water droplets stuck to my glasses, obscuring my vision ever so slightly. With my cold, shaking hands, I pulled them off to wipe on the material of my skirt.

My heart still pounded. I worried about the girl beside me, but was too afraid to say anything, and not brave enough to reach out to comfort her. I hoped Cana was alright. I shouldn't have left her there on her own, I thought, even if she did seem to know what she was doing. I wanted to go back for her. I wanted Natsu and Sting and Erza to be here. I wanted to go back in time and agree to let them stay with me. I wanted a mug of Eido's delicious hot cocoa.

Most of all, I wanted my mom.

I felt tears sting my eyes, but I wouldn't let myself cry. I'd cried enough. I didn't want to cry anymore.

Returning my glasses to their spot on the bridge of my nose, I sucked in a breath and held it for a long moment, contemplating. The sun was down at this point, lightning illuminating the dark sky. I hoped Mr. Akatsuki was alright and that the roads weren't too slippery.

I blinked, realization striking me. _Mr. Akatsuki!_ He was coming for me. He had to be close. He would know what to do. But how was I going to explain the fancy car to Juvia and Cana? All I could do was hope they wouldn't question anything.

I was about to clear my throat and open my mouth to speak when someone rounded the corner. My heart leapt, expecting it to be one of bullies, but it was Cana. The auburn-haired girl was breathing heavily and soaked to the bone, her blue-purple eyes wild. I wasn't sure if she was shaking with anger or from the bite of the wind against her wet skin, or both.

"A-are you—"

"I'm fine," she cut me off sharply, stepping in front of Juvia and out of the rain. The blaze in her eyes was but a simmer now, and her tense shoulders dropped. "They're gone, for now. I doubt they'll come back, but you never know with those Phantom idiots."

I nodded, despite not knowing what she was talking about. "H-how did you…?"

She turned to me, and our eyes met. I resisted the urge to look away. After a few moments of what seemed to be her analyzing me, the corner of her mouth lifted up. "Maybe I'll show you sometime. But right now we need to figure out where to go from here. Is someone coming to pick you up?"

I paused. "H-he should be here any minute."

Cana nodded and crouched in front of Juvia, placing a hand on her shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze. "You okay?" she asked quietly.

Juvia lifted her head up, glancing at me shyly. I tried to give her a friendly smile, but I think I grimaced instead. Her face was so pale that she almost looked ghostly. Her bright ocean blue eyes were watery and she used the sleeve of her coat to wipe her nose. "J-Juvia is… Juvia is okay," she mumbled. Her voice was sweet, but tentative. "She is sorry for causing trouble."

Cana frowned. She dipped her head down, trying to catch the blue-haired girl's eyes. "Hey, you know that wasn't your fault. Don't you dare blame yourself."

Juvia's eyes filled with tears. I wanted to gather her up into a big hug, but I couldn't get myself to do so. Reaching out is hard.

Cana suddenly turned to me. "I… I know this is a lot to ask, but do you think you could give her a ride home? She shouldn't walk back in this weather."

I gulped. I wanted to say yes, absolutely, but that cloud of doubt and worry still hovered over me. What if they figured out who I really am? Would they tell the whole school? Would they hate me? Would they even care at all?

I had no time to answer, as Juvia began to shake her head furiously. "Juvia can't go home."

Cana narrowed her eyes. "Is it… is it your dad again?" Juvia nodded solemnly. "Well, shit. I suppose you can stay with me, then. Except—god damn it, that won't work either. I'm not allowed to have friends over anymore after the... incident."

Juvia sniffed and wiped her eyes. "Juvia will be fine. She can find a hotel to stay at."

"Do you have the money for that?" Cana asked.

"... Juvia will figure something out."

Cana sighed loudly. "Well whatever you end up doing, I'm coming with. No objections." She slid her feet out from underneath her so she was sitting, and then leant back on the palms of her hands, staring at the ceiling. It became silent between the three of us, the only sounds being the pummeling rain and the occasional rumble of thunder.

I knew what I had to do. It was a dangerous thought—disastrous even—but I couldn't help myself. I couldn't just run away. And after my stunt back there, I didn't want to. I wanted to prove that I _could_ be useful. And maybe, just maybe, they wouldn't hate me. _Please don't let me regret this…_

"Y-you…" I hesitated. Now or never. "You guys… can stay with me. But, I mean, only if you want to—I totally understand if that'd make you uncomfortable." I'd said it all in one breath, sure that that they hadn't understood me as I'd spoken too fast.

Cana's head jerked toward me, her mouth open, and Juvia's eyes doubled in size, looking at me in disbelief. "Wait, you're serious?" Cana exclaimed. "You don't even know us."

She was right. I must have been going crazy. One moment, I'm praying they don't figure out who I really am, and the next I'm offering to show them. Way to dig your own grave, Lucy.

But I'd made my decision, and I wouldn't let myself go back on it. There was a part of me that wanted to see what would happen; take the plunge, hope for the best.

What is happening to me?

A loud honk startled me from my thoughts. Mr. Akatsuki.

My heart trembled with nervousness as I locked eyes with Cana, and then Juvia. I nodded slowly. "I'm sure."

The wide grin that lit up Cana's stoic face and the relieved tears that spilled from Juvia filled me with warmth. How could something that felt so right be wrong?

I stood up, noting how much my legs shook. I'd have some explaining to do.

Before I could step out into the rain, and hand shot out in front of me. "The name's Cana, by the way."

I smiled, placing my hand in hers. "Lucy."

**Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ**

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I'm sorry my dear diary—ehem, journal, but I have to end it there, as it's probably past four in the morning now and I have to get up at six. I'm dying to get the rest out, but I'll regret it later if I don't get some sleep.

Feeling exhausted,

Lucy

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**~..:Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ:..~**

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**A/N: this chapter is dedicated to WhatAreAllTheseTears for being my 100th follower of this story. thank you so much everyone! and i'm really sorry for the late update, you guys. i've been having a hard time lately and i lost inspiration for this story. hopefully it will come back to me soon though, as i refuse to give up on this story. thank you for reading!**

~CeeCee~


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